This is what the New York Times fashion brigade is saying this morning, anyway. You know how fashion trends repeat themselves every twenty years? Well brace yourselves, because — shudder — we're heading into the '90s. First stop: Elaine.

You remember how early Elaine dressed, right? Oh, you are a young person and it is already past your bedtime or something? OK, take it away, Times:

The Elaine look incorporates so many styles - early American settler, gypsy, business casual, pious zealot - that it was likely only a matter of time before one of them provided inspiration for designers. Indeed, the recent resort collections featured more calico than an alley of cats, and a chic Elaine specter hovered over lines as diverse as Prada and Rebecca Taylor, each with a multitude of prim prints.

Haven't you been wanting to look like a zealous American gypsy headed off to a casual business meeting lately? Well then put on your long floral print dress, throw a leather jacket over that, make sure your socks are showing over your loafers or boots, and put that hair into a Big Love-ian poof-knot. You'll be the hottest thing on Morton St. (Where this Times reporter went and observed nü-Elaines in their natural habitat.)

The most chilling thing about this apparent trend is that it doesn't seem to be just some bullshit concocted by the Times after seeing one girl dressed like an early-'90s singleton. No, like actual designers really are consciously doing this.

For Lyz Olko, a designer of the punk-chic label Obesity and Speed, the layered floral/tough girl Elaine look is nostalgic. "My entire wardrobe consists of floral, denim and black leather," she said. Recently Ms. Olko, a self-proclaimed pack rat, retrieved many of her '90s dresses from storage to wear again. ("I was also into floral print rompers," she noted, "but I've retired them.") On a recent thrifting excursion, she emptied an entire rack of floral dresses into her cart.

First off: "Obesity and Speed"? No. Go home. Secondly, PLEASE STOP THIS NOW. We can control our destinies here! Fashion designers, do you want people walking around in a few years in baby Ts and big jeans? Or short shorts with tights and flannel (well, that's sorta already happening)? Please, fashion designers, watch the movie Reality Bites (paying specific attention to Janeane Garofalo), or Singles, or episodes of 90210, or hell even Clueless. We do not want to go this way! We sincerely do not! If people start wearing floppy hats with big flowers pinned to the front I swear to god I am throwing all of Soho into the river. You are NOT ALLOWED to do this. This is a democracy. We vote against this. We say no. Do not start reviving '90s fashion. Please. Please. I mean, do you want our children looking like this?



I didn't think so.

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