The Week Everything Blew
This week we had Emmys, crazies, dog-throwers, and hurricanes. It was not a good week to be a human being. Though, in some ways, it was a great one. Let's take a look back.
You guys, it's very important that we honor this country's unsung heroes: television stars. Here's what they bravely wore. Here's what they bravely won. (Why did these wonderful people not win anything?)
Speaking of heroes in Hollywood: Bigtime movie director Michael Bay offered a $50,000 reward to anyone who could provide information that led to the arrest of the terrible puppy-throwing Bosnian girl. Thanks to 4chan, she was caught. 4chan? Are they using their powers for good now? Maybe they can track down these Russian skinheads next.
Someone not using his powers for good is Calvin Klein, who is dating a lad 47 years his junior. Oh, and — not that it matters, we're not prudes or anything — but the kid used to do prons.
The Week in Deaths: An American Apparel employee passed away at work, which is sad. Paste Magazine died, which we're trying to be sad about but can't really get there. And Boob was maybe murdered by Butts, which is definitely sad up close, but from faraway it's kind of funny. Butts and Boobs! We're horrible. But at least not this horrible. Or this horrible. Or this horrible. Or, jeez louise, THIS horrible. No, we're not that bad.
Hey look: Doesn't New York look nice? Doesn't Lady Gaga look ridiculous at the airport? Doesn't Peggy Olson look good in her underwear? Doesn't this guy look like a complete asshole?
Facebook Newz Corner™: What is Marky Zuckerberg trying to hide? Is it his mysterious ex-girlfriend? Is he secretly responsible for Google's most annoying bug of all time? Did he bite a model's ear off? Zuckerberg's secret is one the world wants to know. Let's get the Wikileaks guy on the case. Or, better yet, let's get WikiLeakiLeaks on it!
All told, what was the best day of the week? No, it wasn't Paris Hilton Arrest Day. It was 9/02/10, of course!
OK, that's it. Enjoy your weekends. If Hurricane Earl comes a'knockin', don't open the door! No, stay inside and read a book. Just don't buy said book at Wal-Mart.
(Seriously, be safe East Coasters. No hot-doggin' on those surfboards, ya hear?)
