To promote himself for fashion week, Flock of Seagulls-coiffed Project Runway winner Christian Siriano gave an interview saying he is often mistaken for an "Asian lesbian." He also talked trash about "old" Brooke Shields and "trashy" Hailey Duff.

In today's anthropological investigation into the world of fashion, we stalk the rare crested Christianus Sirianous and learn how to say "You're a trashy whore and I hate you" in Fashionese.

Siriano invited The New York Observer to observe a model casting. As the willowy beasts of beauty stalked to and fro, the little gnome of fashion mused about their tragic plight:

Ugh, they're all so fucking pretty. How do people deal? I get catcalls on Eighth Avenue. Guys think I'm an Asian lesbian. How do these girls even walk around?

But the tribulations of Siriano did not end there! Nay, he has assistants to mouth-feed, and celebrities to fight:

An assistant, the very fashionably-named Micole, rushed in—a front-row attendee on the list for the show had just called asking to bring a guest. "Is she a famous guest or a regular guest?" Mr. Siriano wanted to know.

"It's between Brooke Shields and Hailey Duff," Micole said. Mr. Siriano was disappointed. "Brooke Shields is old," he said. "Hailey Duff is trashy."

"You have a lot of younger fans, and they all look up to the Duffs," Micole offered brightly.

"They do not look up to the Duffs," Mr. Siriano said, laughing.

It may sound cruel, but for Mr. Siriano, insults often double as terms of endearment. "Listen, I love everyone," he said. "I'm a huge fan of the worst, trashiest people. But frankly, I'd rather have buyers from Bergdorf come to my show." He turned to Micole. "Tell him, 'Christian's not sure if the show's right for Hailey.'"

"Not sure if the show's right for" is apparently Fashionese for "You're an ugly whore and I hate you." Thank you for tuning into today's foray into the wild world of Fashion. [Observer, image via Getty]