Nic Cage can't find his house, or a willing tattoo artist. Dog the Bounty Hunter comes through in the clutch. Prince Harry gets a promotion (not to king, if that's what you're thinking). Sunday gossip gets ruined by uglies.

  • TMZ's CSI squad has begun to reconstruct Nic Cage's Friday night, which culminated in an arrest for domestic abuse and this breathtaking mug shot. Apparently, Cage visited a tattoo shop at some point, where he "[threw] his clothes around," demanded a tattoo, and asked shop employees to call the police because he "didn't remember where he lived." This was, apparently, a theme of the night: Police say that the altercation began as a dispute over the correct address of the rental home Cage and his wife are occupying; Cage allegedly grabbed his wife by the arm to pull her to (what he believed to be) the correct address. (Soon after that he "began to hit parked cars and later attempted to get into a taxi.") To cap off the evening, Cage was bailed out by Dog the Bounty Hunter. [TMZ; TMZ; TMZ]
  • Prince Harry of England joins Crunch, Kangaroo, Hook, Morgan, Falcon, Marvel and Planet as a captain! (Of the British Army.) He is also now allowed to fly a helicopter, making him, officially, the cute one. [People]
  • Ke$ha did a Ke$ha-type thing the other night! After a concert she "began 'grinding' on a guy with long, straight brown hair.'" Then she unbuttoned his pants and "reached into" what the New York Daily News describes as "the dark abyss." As Nietzsche says: "When you grope long into the abyss, the abyss also gropes you." Never change, Ke$ha. [NYDN]
  • Speaking of whatever that was, Gossip Girl star Taylor Momsen invited some women up on the stage at a recent concert, encouraging them "to dance topless." But—as always!—an ugly person ruined it for everyone. Writes Page Six: "One unattractive lady decided to take her bra off and dance around with her chest exposed," an event that "embarrassed" Momsen and her band. When will uglies stop? (Never.) [Page Six]
  • Evan Rachel Wood is bisexual. She's also "into androgyny in general." Commenters: Please find the animated GIF that best expresses your reaction to this news and post it in the comments. [NYDN]
  • You can now add "9/11 Conspiracy Theorists" to the list of "people annoyed with Charlie Sheen," right above "Warlocks" and right below "Everyone Else." [TMZ]

[image via AP]