Poor, miserable Jennifer Aniston will finally wed... two apartments together. The dejected and rejected actress is fleeing Los Angeles for her hometown of New York and will reportedly take up residence in two apartments in the West Village that she plans on converting into a duplex.

It's likely that most of the interior will change, so no point really on commenting on that. Mostly we should focus on that lonely widow's walk of a terrace. Look at all that terrace space! Perfect for standing and looking out forlornly at the busy city, so full of happy people, and yet everything in this glorious penthouse is so gray and so sad. On occasion, the neighborhood kids down in the street will suddenly stop playing, feeling a strange chill and melancholy in their bones, and they will look up and swear they can see sad Jen up there in her aerie of isolation. But their mothers will come and shoo them away, feeling themselves as if a cold cloud has passed over their hearts. That will be her legacy. Happy haunting, Jennifer.

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