Another spring weekend is here, a perfect time to enjoy the flowers and sunshine and... Wait, forget that. Stay indoors. See a movie! Debuting this week are two giant blond nuisances: one of them a hammer-wielding superhero, the other Kate Hudson.

An Invisible Sign

Jessica Alba removes the makeup and dours herself up for this indie about a lonely young woman with a troubled home life who has only ever found stability in the world of numbers. So she ends up teaching elementary school math and gets it on with a hot teacher (Chris Messina) and her life slowly changes. One of those indies. Can Alba pull off a quirky dramatic role? I'm oddly eager to find out! (Limited release)

The Beaver

Jodie Foster directs this movie about the wife of a depressed, listless man and how she comes to love him again after he seeks therapy in a puppet. Foster plays the wife, and the husband is played by OH HOLY GOD NO IT'S MEL GIBSON. EVERYONE RUN!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, RUN!! (Limited, expands 5/20)

Caterpillar

The wife of Japanese soldier who loses his limbs in a terrible Mel Gibson attack the Second Sino-Japanese War must struggle to hold her small village together. This is a very strange trailer for what seems like a mostly straightforward movie. (NY)

Daydream Nation

Kat Dennings stars in this high school dramedy (ew) about a new girl in town who riles up a sexual storm for both a fellow teenager and a teacher (Josh Lucas). One of the critic pull-quotes in the trailer says it's like Juno directed by David Lynch. I can't decide if that sounds fun or really, really annoying. I sorta suspect it's the latter. (Limited)

Forks Over Knives

Could we avoid cancer, heart disease, and other commonly fatal illnesses simply by going vegan? That's basically what this documentary says, via two older fellows, a scientist and a doctor, who claim they can even reverse certain diseases through nutrition. Wait, so, no cheese? I'd rather be dead. (Limited)

Harvest

Robert Loggia plays a dying old man whose college-age grandson reluctantly hangs out with him during one breezy summer. Theater grande dame Victoria Clark plays the kid's mom, and Breaking Away Oscar nominee Barbara Barrie is his dotty grandma. The movie looks pleasant and pretty and particularly Northeastern. Duncan Sheik wrote the music! White people! (NY)

Haunted 3D

"India's first stereoscopic 3D movie" is a ghosty tale full of shrieks and surprises. God, with a billion people living in the subcontinent, there must be so many ghosts. (Limited)

Hobo With a Shotgun

Finally, someone made a movie about your dad. (Limited)

I'm Not Jesus Mommy

A thriller about human cloning, the brilliantly titled I'm Not Jesus Mommy tells the story of a vengeful god who lashes out at the world after a human being is grown in a lab. I've had this conversation about this topic many times with a friend of mine, and here is my conclusion: There is absolutely a cloned person living in a lab somewhere. One hundred percent. Either here, Russia, or China. I guarantee it. Cue black helicopters. (Limited)

Jumping the Broom

A man from a blue collar family is marrying a woman from a wealthy family at the rich family's sprawling Martha's Vineyard estate. Naturally cultures clash and silly things happen. Loretta Devine does her best Loretta Devine and Angela Bassett frowns like she's never frowned before. (Wide)

Last Night

Keira Knightley and Sam Worthington are beautiful people who live a beautiful life but all is called into question when they are both tempted by beautiful people at beautiful restaurants. Beautiful music plays and beautiful love is made. Meanwhile you're eating popcorn and wearing sweats and two-day-old underpants and you forgot to take the trash out on your way to the movie theater. Oh well. (Limited)

Octubre

In this Peruvian film, a taciturn moneylender has his life flipped-turned upside down by the arrival of a baby he fathered with a prostitute. He makes a connection with his single next-door-neighbor and begins to, like, feel and express emotions and everything. Just another summer blockbuster. (Limited)

Passion Play

Mickey Rourke and Billy Murray fight over Megan Fox in this, Mickey's Rourke's favorite movie. People were actually talking about this one a little bit back when it was getting cast and everything, but now it looks like things just didn't come together right. Ah well. (Limited)

The People vs. George Lucas

In this documentary, a bunch of nerds moan about how George Lucas ruined his own Star Wars franchise by making those awful prequels. As a certified Star Wars dork — have read many of the novels and once memorized an entire glossary of Stars Wars terms — I must say... Calm down, everyone. Most of the time I forget those prequels even exist! Jake Lloyd? Who the hell is Jake Lloyd? Midi-chlorians? Now you're just talking crazy. (Limited)

Saviors in the Night

This German film tells the true story of a Jewish mother and her daughter who hid in plain sight on a German farm during WWII, on account of their not "looking Jewish." Of course everyone protecting them risked their lives to do so, so it's pretty high-stakes for them too. Question: Who's worse, the Nazis or Jar Jar Binks? Think about it. (Limited)

The Silent House

This Uruguayan horror movie is notable for one big thing: the entire 80-minute film was shot in one long take. Whoa. Eat your heart out, Brian De Palma! So that sounds really cool, only too bad the rest of it looks like your typical modern dead-eyed ghost movie. (Limited)

Something Borrowed

Ginnifer Goodwin takes another stab at movie stardom with this romantic comedy about a doormat girl (Goodwin) whose dream guy is stolen from her by her sexy best friend (maker of good movies Kate Hudson). Then, just before the friend and the guy are supposed to get married, Ginnifer sleeps with dream guy. Oops! Girls! Mostly this movie is about John Krasinski reaction shots and Kate Hudson playing badminton. Oh, and they filmed outside our offices! Those are the important things. (Wide)

There Be Dragons

This historical drama set during the Spanish Civil War (and also in the 1980s) tells the story of Josemaría Escrivá, the Spanish priest who founded Opus Dei and was canonized in 2002. Apparently it's pretty unsubtly a "faith-based" film, with the villain character (Wes Bentley) representing godlessness. Those wacky Opus Dei people, always trying to surprise us! (Limited)

Thor

A big blond Scandinavian hunk falls out of the sky and Natalie Portman, that lucky bitch, is the one who catches him. Some stuff happens with heaven or space or wherever and stuff blows up and then the climax comes when Thor takes his shirt off. Ahem. (Widest)