Everyone's got a theory about Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony's divorce. Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minillo get married. Elin Nordegren's new boyfriend used to date Rachel Uchitel. Saturday gossip is waiting for an invite to the Marine Corps Ball.

  • Now that Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony's divorce is official, the world is asking: Remember "Waiting for Tonight"? That was a pretty good song, huh? Which, yes, it was. But the world is also asking: Why did they break up? And the answer is, no one knows! The Daily Mail speculates, with basically no evidence, that the breakup came because of Lopez's toplessness in her upcoming film What to Expect When You're Expecting; other theories include American Idol and Lopez's commitment thereto; yet another hypothesis involves "Anthony's 'bad attitude.'" Well, divorce certainly won't make his attitude any better. [Daily Mail]
  • Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minillo got married. To each other! "For us, this is just a stepping stone to do what we ultimately want," Minillo told People magazine, "which is to start a sex cult." The wedding was held on an island. [People]
  • Tiger Woods' ex-wife Elin Nordegren is dating a new guy. But! Get this! Her new boyfriend apparently used to date Rachel Uchitel, who had an affair with Woods while he was married to Nordegren. I know!! Ahh! Get out, Elin!! The sexts are coming from inside the house!!! [TMZ]
  • According to a new lawsuit, Shaq asked friend and former gangbanger Robert Ross to kill several people, including a woman he'd impregnated and a "renown [sic] record producer." Shaq denied the allegations through his lawyer, Richard Kuklinski. [TMZ]
  • In case you missed Good Morning America's interview with 51-year-old Lost actor Doug Hutchison and his 16-year-old wife Courtney Stodden, all you need to know is that yes, the whole thing is exactly as creepy as you imagined. [GMA]
  • Paris Hilton's brother Barron has been ordered to pay $4.9 million to a gas station attendant whom he hit with a car while drunk. We didn't even know Paris had a brother! But if he's drunkenly running into gas station attendants, he's definitely a Hilton. Also: "Barron." LOL. [NYDN]
  • MySpace owner Justin Timberlake has accepted the video invitation of marine Kelly De Santis and will join the marines. Kidding! He's going to attend the Marine Corps Ball in Washington, D.C., and then join the marines. Don't forget, servicemen-and-women, Gawker's own Adrian Chen is available for dates. [People]
  • Neville Longbottom is cute, the Daily News reports exclusively. [NYDN]
  • Real Housewife of Beverly Hills Taylor Armstrong is divorcing her Real Husband Russel Armstrong, of Beverly Hills. They were married in 2005 and have one Real Daughter. [People]