Tot Mom was caught drinking a beer the day she was released from prison, and there's video to prove it. Also today: Rumors of Blake Lively and Leo DiCaprio's demise are greatly exaggerated and Olivia Wilde packs 'em on.

  • Former mother Casey Anthony's whereabouts have been a mystery since she was acquitted of murder, which, you know, has been a massively frustrating things for, well, mostly for Nancy Grace, who's been pressing her face to the window and making a high-pitched whining sound and saying "Caseeyyyyyyyyy where arrrrrre youuuuuuuuu??" while soiling her sensible slacks with a single hard turd. Well, unfortunately for Nancy Grace's sphincter, we still don't really know where she is. But we do know one thing now! Right after she was sprung from the clink, she flew to Florida on a private plane and was caught deboarding HOLDING A BEER. Yup. Rotten party mom partied after being acquitted of being a rotten party mom. (Well, not really, but you know.) And now there's apparently a video of it that's being shopped around. That ought to give Nancy a good week's worth of fodder, right? "Lemme tell you folks, my bowel movements are regular again, I'm feeling flushed out and alive, and it's a good day. Tot mom is my prunes. She's my prunes, America." [TMZ]
  • Professional good genes-haver Olivia Wilde says that she "self-medicated with food" after her divorce, and that she gained a few pounds because of it. She then added "Yeah, used to be when I turned to the side I completely disappeared, but now there's actually a dim glimmer, a faint wisp of a suggestion, of a person. Total fattie!" And then I ate my leftover pizza at 11 in the morning and the cat meowed at me and we all sorta shrugged our shoulders. [Us]
  • Did you think that Blake Lively and Leonard DiCaprio had broken up? You totally did, didn't you? You totally thought they had broken up, you sad dumb idiot. You are such a sad dumb jerk, aren't you? Because, um, they haven't broken up, OK? In fact they were recently spotted eating tacos together at LA's Pink Taco disgustibistro, because that is the grossest name for a restaurant ever. BUT. They were sitting on the same side of the table and whispering to each other with their pink taco breath, pink taco meat falling out of their mouths, and so they are not broken up and you, you there in your indoor lawn chair and underpants and greasy hair and half-eaten box of Crackerjacks, can just shut the hell up. They'll never break up! Never! He seems like such a reliable boyfriend and she is soooo interesting. Happy pink tacos, everyone. [P6]
  • Uh oh. Real Housewife of Beverly Hills Taylor Armstrong says that her marriage to the thin-haired whispersnake Russell, from whom she filed for divorce on July 15th, oftentimes was physically abusive during fights. Yikes. That is not good. That sucks and is bad. But... Armstrong says that now the focus is the couple's daughter: "I hope we can co-parent as healthy as possible." Oh OK. A good way to start doing that is definitely to talk to People magazine about the details of the child's parents' shitty marriage. Good start, Taylor. Russell made a comment to the magazine too, so good work as well, Russell. Good work both of you! Really putting little Kennedy (yup) first, aren't you? Parenting awards for both of you ghouls! Taylor then went on to say, "I think I hurt for my daughter more than I do for myself." Me too. [People]

Here is a mugshot of the crazy "she-burglar" that burgled Alex Trebek, who then injured his leg while chasing her. And she looks exactly what you think someone who tried to burgle Alex Trebek at a hotel in San Francisco would look like. So, good for her. And good for Alex! I gotta admit that I was a bit skeptical about this whole burglar story. I really did picture the bellhops or whoever finding Mr. Trebek crumpled on the floor, drunkenly mumbling "I've been burgled... It was a burglar... My leg fell off. Burgled..." and then all the bellhops rolling their eyes and saying "OK, we'll get right on finding that burglar Mr. Trebek, oop, and look, your leg's still on, it's just got an owee. Everything's all right..." I'm sorry that that is what I pictured, Mr. Trebek. I will never question whether or not you were burgled ever again. (Though I hope you don't get burgled again.) [TMZ]

  • Dr. Phil, a Butterball turkey with a master's degree, and his lady wife have settled a $7 million lawsuit brought against them by their former interior decorator. Right. If you're settling $7 million interior decorator lawsuits, are you really in a life position to be giving any sort of advice to normal humans? "Dr. Phil, I'm having trouble with my husband. He's always angry when he comes home from work." "Well, Lisa, let me tell you. When I was getting sued for $7 million by my interior decorator..." It just can't go anywhere from there! Sorry, your advice is invalid. You officially live in Crazy Millionaire Acres, Dr. Phil, and you can no longer relate to common folk. It's done. Start giving advice to Martha Stewart in her Summer Palace up in Maine. That's all you're good for now. [Radar]
  • In case you were wondering, and obviously you were wondering because what are you some sort of jerk who doesn't wonder about things of course you're not you wonder just like anybody else wonders, Jennifer Aniston officially does NOT think that Prince William should get hair plugs. Yes. It's official. This is a little website post that someone actually just typed up and found a photo for and now another person is making it part of his little website thing and you are reading it and thank god nobody ever has to wonder ever again about what Jennifer Aniston thinks about Prince William maybe getting hair plugs. It's going to be very dark when we die, isn't it? [Us]
  • That one escaped cocaine doll from the movie Traffic, who goes by the name Lindsay Lohan, has settled her speaker war with the speaker installer who started a war with her over speakers. Ohh man, I totally just relief-pooped. Lindsay Lohan speaker wars are my Casey Anthony. Ohh boy. [TMZ]

[Photo via Getty]