We all know that the Smurfs movie ruins people's childhood memories, but does it also ruin people's very lives—namely, by leading them to reach frighteningly high intoxication levels in an effort to cope with its awfulness? "Yesssshhhhhh," traumatized mom Sarah Boushey might say, before sideswiping another car.

In August, Boushey took her four-year-old daughter to a Daly City, California movie theater to watch The Smurfs—toting along a bottle of vodka so she could endure the experience. According to the San Mateo District Attorney's office, Boushey tried to drive home after the movie and didn't even make it out of the parking garage—crashing three times before police arrived on the scene. Which was mighty fortuitous, as Boushey's blood alcohol level was reportedly four times above the legal limit. She must have drank it straight from the bottle—sensible, considering how expensive movie sodas are nowadays.

Boushey was so smashed that she couldn't even tell the cops her own name—leaving that job up to her snitchy four-year-old, who added that Mom was drunk. Boushey was arrested on drunk driving and child endangerment charges and was supposed to appear in court for her arraignment this week but didn't make it, because Jailer Smurf and his pal Hostage-Taking Smurf came to the Boushey residence and held everyone captive. Or Bartender Smurf gave her too many drinks. Or Scheduler Smurf didn't remind her of the pending court date. Surely one of those reasons applies! Smurfs cause trouble wherever they go.

[San Francisco Weekly. Image via Getty]