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Bloated starfucker Piers Morgan finally gave his long-awaited testimony before a British commission investigating phone hacking today. While there were no Perry Mason moments trapping Morgan in one of his numerous transparent lies about his tenures at the News of the World and Daily Mirror, he was at least exposed as having a conveniently spotty memory.

Morgan leaned on "I can't remember" or some variation repeatedly during his grilling before England's Leveson Inquiry, which was conducted via video link by merciless barrister Robert Jay. Morgan was evasive, diffident, pissy, and smug as Jay repeatedly tried to get him to admit the obvious and inescapable truth that he was well aware of the phone hacking that went on at the Daily Mirror under his nose.

Here's a video compilation of Morgan repeatedly claiming to be unaware of the most basic narrative facts of his professional career. Highlights: Asked if his two memoirs are accurate historical documents, Morgan stutters, "Well, that's a moot point." And if you're wondering how many of his reporters the average newspaper editor keeps track of, the answer is five percent. According to Piers Morgan.