A former Los Angeles City Commissioner, 63-year old Al Abrams, made his first court appearance this afternoon to answer to charges of possessing and distributing child pornography even though he totally didn't do anything wrong. The real culprit was his split-personality, which, coincidentally, also manifests itself as 63-year old Al Abrams.

Abrams, who resigned from his position in August in the midst of the child pornography investigation, is accused of downloading and sharing hundreds of sexually explicit images of children on a website frequented by pedophiles. His pseudonym? The sprightly: BoyWonderUSA.

Abrams didn't exactly deny downloading and viewing the child porn, but he did state that he only did so as a result of experiences with a split personality, explaining, "It is what my split personality decided to do. That's what happens when you have tumors."

Ah, yes, the tumors.

Abrams claims his forays into the world of children's erotica were caused by a painful spine growth he has since had excised. As luck would have it, Abrams discovered this cause a mere four days after the FBI raided his home.

When asked if he believed he should face jail time for his actions (and he does—150 years if convicted on all counts), Abrams responded "No, why? I'm not a criminal."

To be fair, maybe only the bizarro-split personality version of Abrams should go to prison. That guy sounds awful.

[Image via Shutterstock]