California Covered in Spiders
Smog-laden gang territory California has something to look forward to before its collapse into the murky depths of the sea: a thin, furry blanket of brown widow spiders.
The LAT reports that the population of the shockingly large eight-legged predators, who never listen to reason, has exploded in Southern California, probably thanks to god's wrath. The good news is that brown widows are somewhat less poisonous than black widows. The bad news:
That's because unlike black widows, who like to crawl into cracks and under debris for shelter, brown widows like to hide out in people's things. They gravitate toward the crannies underneath chairs and into those downward-facing recessed handles on garbage cans.
If bitten by a brown widow, leave California at once and never return. This is good to do preemptively, as well.
