Probably Spurious Report: Robert Pattinson Loses Himself in the World of Online Gaming to Cope with Break-Up
Everyone copes with break-ups differently. Some people seek comfort in new relationships. Some people spend all day playing computer games. Some people craft elaborate fictions imagining how people in break-ups are coping.
The Sun is that kind of people.
On Monday, The Sun imagined that it was close friends with one of Robert Pattinson's close friends, and that this person had recently phoned it up to gossip all about how Robert Pattinson is dealing with his betrayal at the hands of Dakota Fanning's friend Kristen.
The Sun imagined that Robert Pattinson's friend spoke very formally and told it Robert had nobody to talk to; that he had become That Guy in the hotel restaurant who whines to part-time bartenders and uncomfortable fellow patrons about his cheating ex-girlfriend.
"Robert has resorted to asking strangers out to keep him company. He went out for drinks with a woman staying in his hotel and he told her it was ‘ridiculous' he had nobody to talk to.'"
It's unclear who told The Sun's imaginary friend this story about Robert Pattinson's pathetic date with a stranger. Was it Robert Pattinson himself? Wouldn't that mean, even according to the illogic of The Sun's imagination, that Robert Pattinson did have someone to talk to? Was it the stranger? Did the sharer of the story use quotation marks around "ridiculous" the way The Sun does in this lively re-telling?
The tabloid also reports that, when he's not complaining to the people he's talking to about how he has nobody to talk to, Robert Pattinson is "spending most of his days off playing computer games."
What games do you think The Sun thinks Robert Pattinson is playing? Spider Solitaire? Neopets?
Sporcle quizzes?
