NASA to Broadcast New will.i.am Song from Mars; Alien Retaliation Imminent
In what can only be interpreted as a grave, provocative gesture against extraterrestrials by the people of Earth, the U.S. Government's National Aeronautics and Space Administration announced plans to broadcast a new single by entertainer will.i.am from the planet Mars Tuesday afternoon.
In a press release, NASA described the song, Reach for the Stars, as the musical embodiment of will.i.am.'s "passion for science, technology, and space exploration." In a video about the tune, scientist will.i.am. explained that he recorded the track using a full orchestra because he didn't feel "sending a computer beat to Mars" was "the right thing to do."
However, many residents of Outer Space are arguing that shooting a will.i.am song into the ether is not the right thing to do.
Jason ஃ, an electrician who lives just outside the Curiosity rover's field of vision on Mars, called Earth's actions "rude, bordering on flagrantly terroristic," as it is unknown how loud the song will be and whether it will be played more than once.
The song will be broadcast live at 4p.m. EST, Earth time. It will be beamed back to NASA's Jet Propulsion laboratory in Pasadena, California, where engineers coordinating the Mars rover mission will explain "the technology behind the song's interplanetary transmission" to school students.
Some are interpreting will.i.am's decision to include French horn in the track's orchestral composition as an endorsement of Earth's unpopular colonial ambitions in Outer Space. The artist himself did little to assuage such fears in a recent interview.
"French horns always remind me of triumph and a voyage, an odyssey."
Residents of the Orion–Cygnus Arm of Milky Way galaxy are already on edge this week, following the death of exiled Moon King Neil Alden Armstrong.
Armstrong was declared Moon King in a private ceremony officiated by himself while standing on the moon in 1969.
The previous Moon King was a small rock on the moon.
