Have you made plans for this weekend that include traveling outside of your house for even the briefest moment? Cancel them! Or maybe make more of them? The Northeast is about to get walloped or tenderly caressed with either a couple inches or a couple feet of snow.

Current forecasts place the total amount somewhere between 2.6 and 29.3 inches.

Such is the maddening, exhilarating unpredictability of weather patterns on this rock-and-lava spinning blueberry we call home.

Right now, all we know for certain is that when you emerge from your hoarder's lair on Saturday morning, there will be some sort of weather occurring in earth's atmosphere. It might be rain; it might be snow; it might be "cold, sunny day" or "fire-clouds." Whatever the outcome, have no fear: There will be plenty of oxygen and adequate air pressure to keep your blood in a fluid state.

In search of answers, we turn to machines. Here's what three computer weather models are predicting for this weekend's precipitation:

USA! USA!

Right now, American (GFS) computer models are predicting a few inches of snow for much of the tri-state: a little over two inches for New York City; under an inch for much of New Jersey. Some of it might be rain. The sky-water is expected to start falling Thursday night through Friday morning, but the the brunt of the storm probably won't hit until late Friday night.

Combat equivalent: Gloved slap across the face

The European Model: So Hot Right Now

The European model, like a European model, is much more intimidating (and mean). According to the ECMWF (European Center for Medium range Weather Forecasting — boring name; brainstorm improvements while trapped in your home this weekend), the amount of snow in New York could reach over a foot by Saturday evening (about 15 inches). The European model is generally considered by meteorologists to be the most accurate (it was the first to accurately predict the track of Hurricane Sandy).

Combat equivalent: Punishing right hook

Utter Annihilation by Snow

The third model, the RPM (Rapid Precision Mesoscale), is calling for a staggering amount of snow: almost thirty inches in New York City. If this turns out to be correct, society as we know it will crumble. The wealthiest members—those who can afford to eat out every night—will starve in their stairwells, while those capable of whipping up a Thanksgiving feast from a few packets of Ramen, some sriracha, and a cat that died of "natural causes" will emerge as chieftains; perhaps even gods.

Combat equivalent: Bayonet through the entrails, plus a head butt, plus all your teeth falling out in an unrelated incident

In any case: Be careful out there this weekend or don't be careful because you don't need to be.

[Images via Storm Team 4 NY]