Hey, a new print magazine is on the way! How quaint, artisanal, and authentic.

Contrary to the gloomy prognostications that "print is dead," Ad Age reports that Hearst boss David Carey told staffers that the company "is planning to introduce a new print magazine" early this year. A lively contrarian bet! It's important that The New Yorker get some competition every once in a while. So what sort of journalism can we expect from the bold new venture? Perhaps history will provide a clue...

In a time when print titles are under stress, Hearst has introduced several recent titles in tandem with well-known brands and personalities in the TV world. This year, the company introduced "Dr. Oz The Good Life" in partnership with celebrity physican Mehmet Oz. And in recent years, it has rolled out HGTV and Food Network magazines.

Ah yes—garbage.

The future of print media is TV on paper.

["Mr. Carey deemed the Dr. Oz rollout successful in his note to staff Dec. 31." If you don't mind the fact that the magazine's namesake was repeatedly slammed in the media and in front of Congress for being a charlatan, then yes, it was successful.]