Charlie Sheen, a former winner known for portraying the character of "one man" on television, attempted to teach current famous person Rihanna a lesson in celebrity etiquette Thursday by posting an extended angry rant on Twitter.

It seems that Charlie threw a birthday dinner for his fiancée, ex-porn-star and Rihanna fan Scottine Sheen, at the same restaurant where Rihanna herself happened to be eating. Sheen tried to arrange an introduction for Scottine, and Rihanna's people said no.

Sheen maturely handled the situation using the tried-and-true anger management technique "come completely unhinged and get on Twitter." He wrote:

no biggie for me; it would have been 84 interminable seconds of chugging Draino and
"please kill me now"
that I'd never get back.

My Gal, however,
was NOT OK with it.
Nice impression you
left behind, Bday or not.
Sorry we're not KOOL enough
to warrant a blessing from
the Princess.
(or in this case
the Village idiot)

And that's only about a quarter of the words Sheen, known for his polite and gracious demeanor, burned in an attempt to educate Rihanna about the proper way to be a star. He also called her a big ol' liar, accused her of wearing a bad wig, and told her she should "QUIT, junior!"

He capped it off with the hashtag #hamateur, a sick burn that no doubt made the youngest solo artist to achieve 13 number-one singles feel terrible about the course her life has taken thus far.

Rihanna responded to Sheen's barrage of tweets with this one:

And scene.

[Photo: Getty Images]