NBC Chicago reports that it might feel like -45 degrees tonight in the Chicago area, which is really, obscenely cold. Although a certain member of the Gawker staff thinks factors like “wind chill” are beefed-up “fraudulent numbers” designed to make you either a) stay inside forever or b) feel like a big ol’ badass for stepping outside for 5 minutes, I beg of you, Chicago-area people, do not go outside tonight.

If you are tempted to go outside, despite the fact that it could feel like NEGATIVE 45 DEGREES OUTSIDE, I recommend you do one of the following first:

  1. Read this (wonderfully) imagined first-person account from Outside Magazine about what it feels like to die from hypothermia
  2. Watch this video of boiling water being thrown into -45 degree weather, which is anti-climactic until you realize that that is what the inside of your body will be doing when you step outside or
  3. Call your mom and tell her you’re going outside.

Anyway, stay warm, Midwesterners! One last thing: regardless of how cold it gets tonight, there’s no need to be a dick about it on Twitter.

[Cold weather survivor via Flickr]

Sylvie Krekow is a writer in New York.