Now that the local Payless has closed its doors, dark days lie ahead for the residents of Lawrence, Kansas. But in case you weren’t quite sure how dark, the store’s failed owner has taken it upon himself to explain exactly what’s become of the “COMMIE & CANDY ASS CAPITOL OF KANSAS.” Through the art of truck poster.

Chad Lawhorn of the Lawrence Journal-World was the first to stumble upon the very well thought-out and coherent signage, when he ran into the rabble-rouser himself. From LJ World:

I asked the fellow if he was associated with the store. He said he wasn’t, and then pulled a set of keys out of his pocket and opened the door to the locked store. I told him I thought that might be a sign he was associated with the store. I asked him about his signs, and he said he thought they spoke for themselves.

A man from a nearby business who saw our conversation said that was Bob, the owner of the place. Indeed, the going out of business permit from the city lists a Robert Fyfe as the owner of the store.

Why Bob was being so coy remains unclear. What’s not to be proud of.

via Chad Lawhorn

After all, a 63-star flag takes a man of vision.

I’d pick out some of Bob’s key points, but they are all incredible and all equally important to his overarching message of “I am what happens when a caps-lock key comes to life.” In which case, I present Bob’s truck-based manifesto in full (bolding ours):

Lawrence City Lib Facts:

  • Ranked #1 city in the U.S. to be a homeless bum.
  • Kansas most liberal city, (liberal = most Marxist, most P.C., most regulating, most fascist).
  • In 2012 voted 61% Obama, even though Obama had revealed himself as a liar, lawbreaker, and a hardcore Marxist Dictator. Also, as a pro-Muslim, anti-Jew, anti-Christian race divider.
  • Magnet for urban rats from Chicago & East Coast.
  • Refuge for welfare lowlifes from KCK & Topeka.
  • Stronghold of the Democrat party (coalition of union teachers, public workers, and others who enable bums, welfare lowlifes, single mothers, dopers, gays, and illegals— mo’ democrat voters!)

Lawrence Lib Profile:

  • Brainwashed Marxist zombies, illogical, blinded by emotion. Can’t see the forest for the trees.
  • Unpatriotic, amoral, materialistic, self-centered, judgmental busybodies.
  • Spoiled urban snobs, many of whom have never done any real work, but expect redistribution from those who do real work.
  • Lib locals: Leisure class proletariat of public workers, overpaid union teachers and tenured professor indoctrinators living in a cushy bubble.
  • Students and youth: Uptight lifeless, sheeplike, spoiled and lazy urban candyasses. Also, they are clueless, brainwashed P.C. and enviro-dumbdowner [?] slaves, who blindly take their marching orders from Marxist teachers and media handlers.

So remember, when your children ask you why they’re sleeping on cold, straw mats at night, just relay Bob’s message, which boils down the following: Obama hates Payless.

Images via Chad Lawhorn, LJWorld.com.

Contact the author at ashley@gawker.com.