Florida Bill Would Allow People to Tote Guns in the Zombie Apocalypse
There's a pro-gun bill awaiting a vote in the Florida Senate right now. What's it do? Well, if one saucy senator gets his way, the name will say it all: "An act relating to the zombie apocalypse."
Why the hell not? Nobody's better at double-tapping the undead than "Tallahassee."
The NRA-approved bill aims to allow any and all Floridians, even if they're unlicensed, to carry concealed guns during evacuations in "a declared state of emergency" in the state—which, you know, happens fairly regularly, what with the hurricane seasons and occasional riots. Normally, toting a gun under your shirt sans permit is a felony in Florida, but, you know, emergencies, man.
Law enforcement, unsurprisingly, is against the bill, since 1) looting isn't as common or as dangerous in Florida as old armed men mistaking innocent people for looters; 2) it's unclear under the bill when said homeowners would have to stop carrying their guns concealed; and 3) it's also unclear why they can't lock the guns up in the luggage they would presumably pack during an evacuation.
But the gun-lobby's bowl-cut-coiffed and appropriately named champion in Florida, Marion Hammer, says the measure is necessary because during emergency evacuations, homeowners might leave their guns behind, and dirty danged looters might take their guns, and awful terrible mayhem might ensue!
Why limit your imagination here? People need guns to stop the zombies.
The bill, like the rest of the NRA's agenda in Florida, is likely to pass without much trouble, so Sen. Dwight Bullard—a Democrat who opposes it—filed an amendment this week to call the act what it is: A zombie-killin' act. He acknowledged to the Huffington Post that the amendment might seem "laughable," but that's just the point, you see:
[I]t's equally laughable that people who haven't gone through the proper training, the background check, the license to carry — we're saying because of a hurricane or flooding or sinkhole, these individuals have gone from gun owners to concealed carry permit holders. I'd argue a crisis is probably the last instance in which you want someone who is not a concealed permit holder to carry a weapon.
Oh, Dwight, don't jinx it. When the flesh-eaters come, where will your kumbaya Bloomberg U.N. disarmament-loving butt be then?
