Global Environmental Apocalypse Proceeding Right on Schedule

34.78K

Hamilton Nolan

08/07/13 08:40AM

Filed to: doom

With all the talk these days of a "global warming crisis" and "looming planetary disaster," it may sometimes be hard to know what to think. Relax: our global warming crisis and looming planetary disaster are going exactly as scheduled.

The big NOAA report on the 2012 climate is in, and it is very reassuring. Calm down; no need to panic. There are no surprises. Everything is just as we thought it would be. Absolutely terrible.

The US had its warmest year on record. Sea levels are at record highs. The oceans are hotter and saltier. And we're melllllllllltttttttttinggggggggggggg...

Conditions in the Arctic were a major story of 2012, with the region experiencing unprecedented change and breaking several records. Sea ice shrank to its smallest “summer minimum” extent since satellite records began 34 years ago. In addition, more than 97 percent of the Greenland ice sheet showed some form of melt during the summer, four times greater than the 1981–2010 average melt extent.

See? Everything is exactly as they said it would be, when they said "we're fucked."

[NOAA. Photo: AP]

3

Captain_Overboost Hamilton Nolan 08/07/13 08:50AM

I'm kinda new to this whole "global warming" party so I have a question. No, I'm not trolling. lol I'll be the first to admit I dismissed it as pure political propaganda in the beginning. These days, I'm convinced, although I'm not sure to what degree human influence is speeding along a natural climate cycle vs causing it in total. Anyway, that's neither here nor there, I'll make up my own mind on that eventually (perhaps after I get a snorkle since I live on the coast).

My question is, with all the polar ice melting (fresh water) why are the oceans getting saltier? I know that may seem an inconsequential question, but if I need to understand a subject, I need to understand all aspects. Just me I guess. Anyway, insights to those better educated on the subject?

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BRRRRRICKFROG Captain_Overboost 08/07/13 08:55AM

It's because Hamilton kind of got that point wrong. From the link

Continuing a trend that began in 2004, oceans were saltier than average in areas of high evaporation, including the central tropical North Pacific, and fresher than average in areas of high precipitation, including the north central Indian Ocean, suggesting that precipitation is increasing in already rainy areas and evaporation is intensifying in drier locations.

They're getting saltier in some places and getting fresher in others but the overall problem is that the levels are changing in either direction.

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Hamilton Nolan BRRRRRICKFROG 08/07/13 09:03AM

Yes, correct, that wasn't clear how I wrote it. It's evaporation vs. freshwater melting/ precipitation.

BRRRRRICKFROG Hamilton Nolan 08/07/13 09:04AM

And I can't imagine my constant peeing in the water supply helps things.

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The Amazing Sneijderman Hamilton Nolan 08/07/13 08:55AM

Man, these liberal fear-mongers are so full of crap. There's absolutely nothing wrong with our planet, and to prove it I would like to invite any and all like-minded individuals to stay for a while at my seaside villa in Tuvalu.

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Mr. Vowel Hoarder Hamilton Nolan 08/07/13 09:13AM

Meet Lamar Smith: SOPA author, climate change skeptic, and Congress' science boss.