Hello, there is a new survey out telling us EVERYTHING about the proud freshman class of Harvard. What are they like, these young, sexually frustrated leaders?

The Harvard Crimson brings us the results of the Harvard Freshman Survey, the most eagerly awaited survey of the American class war. Let's get right to the fuckin':

Only 35 percent of the Class of 2017 had sex before coming to Harvard, according to a survey of incoming freshmen conducted by The Crimson last month... Forty percent of private school students said they lost their virginity before Harvard, compared to 33 percent of public school students, 18 percent of charter school students, and one of six homeschooled students.

"Homeschool student having sex with mom" joke.

Other key statistics:

-Zero percent of Mormon freshmen have had sex.

-40% of freshman have never had a drink.

-"Less than one percent said they had tried cocaine, and less than two percent said they had done mushrooms. Less than three percent reported having tried ecstasy."

-21% have parents in the "over $500K" income bracket.

-The number of reported rapes at Harvard has "nearly doubled in the last year."

It won't be long before these sheltered, wealthy scamps with insane levels of pent-up sexual frustration are in charge of us all.

[The Crimson. Photo: Flickr]