Here Is a Massive List of Max Read Owns
Malcolm Read passed away on Monday, July 20. Not a particularly masculine man, Max leaves behind a bad, unwanted website, 20 dirty children, and a cat named Khaleesi. His spirit has retreated to Italy, where he will wander the stalls of the Palazzo de Amore, gently picking up and putting down various cashmere scarves until he finds one that fits him just so.
From his proudest times to his saddest times, from the whalebone-strewn beaches of Rhode Island to the ancient alleys of the Continent, throughout his rise from obscure night-shift blogger to famous editor in chief, the one unchanging feature of Max Read has been how spectacularly ownable he is, on social media or in chat or on his rare and tentative ventures into meatspace. In honor of his departure, the staff of Gawker has compiled the best of Max Read owns, of which there are many. God, there are so many.
Ciao, Max Read, you are deeply loved and Myst.
Max Read is confident.
Every day is casual Friday for Max Read.
Max, were you aware that Gawker is not a magazine when you asked The FADER to identify you as an anonymous “magazine editor” in their extremely long piece about Everlane?
For someone from New Jersey, Max Read has done a remarkable job of assimilating.
Max Read is the finest editor-in-chief from Princeton Junction, New Jersey in quite some time.
Max Read can really handle his two glasses of red wine.
Max Read went to the same college as Obama.
Max Read wears sweatpants from Germany.
“Max Read is my friend.”—Sam Biddle
Max Read’s cat’s name is Khaleesi.
Max Read will never let his unique head shape hold him back from wearing baseball caps.
Max Read considers it a “fun fact” that he and Bruno Mars were born on the same day.
Max Read and Bruno Mars are both Libras.
Max Read uses Venmo as a social network.
Max Read is the precocious only child at the party entertaining the grown-ups with his big talk and little bowties.
Max Read whisper-sings Joni Mitchell songs at his desk.
Yes @max_read is humming aloud along with "Born to Run" on the office sound system.
November 3, 2014
Max Read once wore a vest to work and was so mercilessly teased he never wore it again.
Max Read is cool.
Max Read has definitely felt a boob.
Max Read wrote Horrible Cruise Ship Capsizing Actually Sounds Sort of Funny.
Max Read orders all of his upper-body clothing via Everlane’s 1-hour express delivery service.
Max Read is a part-time Everlane model.
Max Read has opinions about restaurants.
All the Ramones are dead and @max_read is humming along out loud to Fleetwood Mac in the workplace.
August 28, 2014
Max is short for Malcolm X.
Max Read archives his tweets.
Max Read has read receipts on.
Max Read’s fancy sweatpants cost $120.
Max Read is a Vanderbilt.
Max Read is a Yankees fan.
Max Read had his birthday party at Hot Bird.
Max Read is interviewing at the BuzzFeed offices right now.
Max Read refuses to capitalize the f in BuzzFeed.
Max Read is a literally a chathead.
Max Read liked 20 posts on Instagram.
Max Read was a child model.
Malcolm "@max_read" Read currently tapping his toes vigorously to "Sandstorm - Original Mix" by Darude on the office sound system.
December 9, 2014
Max Read is The Awl’s biggest fan.
Max Read is normcore.
Max Read spells it v*gina.
Max Read doesn’t want to splurge on the newest version of Fantastical.
Max Read supports KONY.
Max Read will ask you, enthusiastically and out loud, if you saw the funny image macro he just retweeted.
Max Read is his parents’ second coolest child.
Max Read “lifecasts.”
Max Read banned Caity Weaver for “MAH WIFE.”
Max Read is typing.
Max Read and Tom Scocca are typing.
Max Read and John Cook are typing.
Max Read reads Slack analytic reports before he goes to bed.
Max Read is a cat person.
Max Read coined the term “bad Slack.”
Max Read hates bad Slack.
Max Read wrote this: “The word ‘massive’ is never to appear on the website Gawker dot com. Here’s a handy list of synonyms for your headline toolkit.”
Max Read is a huge, enormous, vast, immense, large, big, mighty, great, colossal, tremendous, prodigious, gigantic, gargantuan, mammoth, monstrous, monumental, giant, towering, elephantine, mountainous, titanic; Herculean, Brobdingnagian; monster, jumbo, mega, whopping, humongous, hulking, honking, bumper, astronomical, ginormous turd.
Max Read recently stated in public that he is reducing his wardrobe to only include various shades of white.
@caityweaver Max Read at last fully turning, over the shoulder. "Ciao."
May 29, 2014
Max Read sent the following text to Dayna Evans: “I can’t come to your drinks till later tomorrow promise me you’ll still be out
...(i know i was not technically invited).”
