John Kasich enjoys a reputation as perhaps the most mainstream and down-to-earth Republican presidential candidate. He will cannily use this reputation to create a new U.S. Government Judeo-Christian Propaganda Agency—with beams.

Yes—beams. Using beams, John Kasich proposes that the United States of America defeat all of this jihadist business by beaming Judeo-Christian messages, over the airwaves, to other, lesser nations, courtesy of a new United States government agency. Because nothing says “credibility in the Middle East” like “US government Christian propaganda agency.”

“We need to beam messages around the world about what it means to have a Western ethic, to be part of a Christian, a Judeo-Christian society,” Kasich said in an NBC News interview yesterday touting his wacky big government plan to make the world safe for Christ. Kasich—the Republican with the reasonable ideas—said that we must launch our godly, freedom-filled beams towards Russia, China, and the Middle East, cost be damned. “It is essential, by the way, that those in the West begin embracing again our Jewish and Christian tradition rather than running from it and hiding from it,” he added, in a sentence spoken in the larger context of a man advocating the creation of a taxpayer-funded US government agency dedicated to sending explicit Judeo-Christian propaganda messages to China, on beams.

“I’m criticized for having a big heart but I also have a big brain,” is another good John Kasich quote you will find in this interview.

[Photo of John Kasich holding an invisible Judeo-Christian beam: AP]