Even as the great recession recedes from memory, economic inequality in America widens and the class war rages on. We are bringing you true stories of people who have received welfare, food stamps, and other public benefits. Here is what it is like.

$16.25 a month

Back in the early 2000s, I got divorced. I was living in a shit hole trailer with my 3yo son in very rural area. He had some health issues which turned into a ton of medical bills. I couldn’t get them caught up and ended up having my pay check garnished.

So, I applied for food stamps. I was raised up not to ask for help. You just make do. It was so freaking hard to walk into the office and ask a stranger for help. I was in tears, humiliated that I couldn’t take care of my boy. At the time I owned my car and the only debt I had was the garnishment. Owning my car counted against me. Not having crazy debt counted against me. Actually knowing who my son’s father was counted against me. He was dicking around about child support and we were in and out of court because he wasn’t paying. On paper, I was getting x amount for child support and my income was counted before the garnishment came out. I know all this because the lady I dealt with, honest to God, laughed at me in her office. She told me upfront I should sell my car, taken out a loan and take my ex back to court.

I sat there wanting to smash everything on her desk. I remember mumbling something like “ok, thanks for your time” and got the Hell put of her office.

I cried like a baby all the way home. Two weeks later I get notification that we were approved for $16.25 a month. I was also told I was welcome to apply again or dispute the amount.

Anger doesn’t describe what I felt. I really needed help.

As my now 17 yo son puts it: it sucks to suck.

How to thrive

I was born with a genetic disorder that rendered me legally blind and included other abnormalities such as delayed teeth and severe digestive issues. Doctors said I was a “failure to thrive” baby and that I would likely turn out to be blind, deaf and retarded. My birth mother was 19 and had already planned to place me for adoption, before she knew about the medical issues. I was in foster care and then adopted at six months old. As a contingency of my public adoption, I received Medi-Cal (California’s version of Medicaid) and other taxpayer-funded social services to cover my special medical and educational needs. At the time, no private health insurance company would cover my “preexisting” (congenital) health conditions. Thanks to Medi-Cal and the other state social services we received, I had several sight-saving surgeries and received the medical care and other therapeutic services I needed to help me thrive.

It was not easily gained - my mother repeatedly fought with the state to “recertify” my eligibility, and I remember her laboriously categorizing receipts for every appointment and prescription filled. Many doctors and dentists didn’t want to take Medi-Cal patients because the state’s reimbursement rate was so low. My mom complained that we were treated like “second class citizens” because I received state aid. I remember being turned away from an urgent care clinic at age ten after breaking my hand, (I was holding it aloft in a bag of ice, crying from the pain), because they no longer accepted Medi-Cal patients. I was kicked off Medi-Cal seven months early at 17, because I was bright enough to graduate high school before my 18th birthday, and was thus deemed an “adult.”

Nevertheless, when I went to college, the (taxpayer funded) state department of rehabilitation covered my large-print books and provided me with special magnifying computer equipment that gave me the assistance I needed to make it through school.

I would not be where I am now without the help I needed to give me a good start. I am now in my 30s, live independently, and have two graduate degrees. I work as a nonprofit attorney in California. A lot of my clients receive public benefits of one kind or another - most are also working, and get the benefits to supplement their income because the cost of living is so high here in the Silicon Valley that there’s no way they’d be able to live here, otherwise.

When I tell people my public benefits story, sometimes they’ll say “well you deserved the help. other people don’t.” I say that’s BS. Who’s to say who does and doesn’t deserve the help when they need it? And who’s to say what somebody might be able to accomplish if they’re given a hand to tide them over in a time of need? Nobody would have predicted that a tiny blind girl in foster care would have made it as far I have.

Cancer and unemployment

Towards the end of 2012, my husband lost his job. A few months later, I was diagnosed with cancer. Because I ran my own business & my husband had been a 1099 employee, we had no health insurance (despite applying over 35 times during the previous four years). Because I had breast cancer (because fuck those people with liver cancer), there was an exception that made me eligible for our state’s Medicaid program. This took mountains of paperwork & a lecture from a state employee about my cancer all being a part of God’s plan, but I was very grateful to get it.

My cancer was caught early, and my treatment plan was relatively simple. That’s until I had one complication after another. I was horribly ill for months. My business went tits up. My husband cared for me in between working one temp job after another. If my parents hadn’t been able to help us, we would have lost our house.

We went on EBT. It was a crap shoot as to whether or not we would get our benefits each month because of all the administrative errors (our case worker was very kind, but grossly overworked). I was so embarrassed to be on them, even though I had never looked down upon anyone for getting these benefits. I was the lady in nice clothes & a Coach bag getting food stamps. Forget the fact that the purse had been a gift (and the resell value was nothing) and that my clothes were several years old. My husband was the guy buying frivolous things like gourmet chocolate milk, soda & gummy bears - all in hopes I could keep from vomiting them up & get some calories in.

We were on SNAP for 14 months. I was on Medicaid for 1.5 years. My husband has a new job. Thanks to ObamaCare, I’ve got a good insurance plan. But we’re still trying to get caught up on back taxes, home repairs we put off, & saving for a new used car to replace the one that breaks down on a monthly basis. I’m trying to create a new career for myself & manage after effects from my cancer treatments. I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that we may never be able to have a child (fertility treatments are outrageously expensive). I look forward to the day when we aren’t living paycheck to paycheck and when we have an emergency fund again.

The irony? I did the Eat on $30 challenge several years before this mess. Yeah.

Barely making it

I’m a 29 year old female living in Brooklyn. I have been receiving benefits for about a year and although I am thankful it’s a nightmare.

I have been diagnosed with clinical depression, fibromyalgia and chronic sleep disorder. It’s hard for me to work and I get sick very easily, but I’ve always worked hard, had jobs and was successful at them. I was laid off last year and applied for benefits. The experience is embarrassing and i feel ashamed. The case workers are extremely rude, uncaring and try to make things harder for you. I literally have to go to offices at every point in Brooklyn due to scheduling errors of my caseworker or not being in the system numerous times just to be approved. All the while being treated like trash by the workers there. I often think that because you coordinate your outfit, are clean and neat the impression is that you do not need help and then there is a bias against you.

Thankfully, I was approved for food stamps, cash assistance and rental assistance. A total of $600 combined. This seems like a lot and in a way it is, but when my rent is $775 and MTA fees each month I barely make it. Recently I missed a recertification appointment and rescheduled only to get a letter 15 days after it was issued stating that my benefits were discontinued and I can apply for a fair hearing and in order to keep benefits until the hearing I needed to respond within 10 days of the notice. So for the past 4 months while attempting to get a fair hearing I have not received anything. I’m being evicted this month and honestly do not know what I am going to do. When I asked the caseworker if I can have a one shot deal in order to pay back rent she said because I do not live alone and work full time I can’t get assistance. If that was the case I wouldn’t have been there! I asked her what I could do and she told me to go to a shelter and left me at her desk.

Every night I stay up til 5am worrying, crying and having panic attacks. I apply to about 15 jobs a day. I have 10 years experience in the fashion industry and fine art and I can’t even get a job as a server. I feel like a failure and every moment of every day I am thinking of ways to save money or cut costs such as walking miles home to save a subway ride cost, hand washing my clothing, selling all my furniture, counting pennies, etc.

People often say those on public assistance are lazy and want free money, but that’s the last thing I want. The humility, stress and depression that goes into accepting benefits and keeping them is immense. I would rather work 40+ hours a week and provide for myself. My fair hearing is next week and I hope my benefits will be reinstated and somehow I can function like a normal person. Or better yet, I pray I get a job and I can finally start building my life again.

Life turned upside down

I am a 35 year old white woman (never been married, no kids)with a Bachelors degree who has had a job since I was 15. By all parameters set by society I have always been responsible and a hard worker.

My first experience with public assistance was at the age of 21 (2001) when I legally adopted my 13 year old half brother out of the foster care system. I worked and went to college while raising my brother. I got a small amount of food stamps, and a tiny amount of social security on my brothers behalf because our mother was deceased. I went on to graduate from college, and my now 27 year old brother turned into a well behaved citizen.

Fast forward to 2013. I was living in a big west coast city, had a job with a great company, my own house I rented, a car I owned, etc.Then in a blink of an eye my life was turned upside down. A medical issue I had had for 13 years and which had been dismissed by numerous doctors suddenly became much worse and the pain so bad work (desk job) was becoming unbearable. I was seen by a team of doctors at a big university hospital and underwent a plethora of tests. Then it happened....the docotors figured out what was wrong with me. The previous doctors in the years before had missed it. I was born with an extra set of ribs called Cervical Ribs (at C7) and these extra ribs had been severely compressing my brachial plexus nerves, and in turn causing permanent and serious damage. A few weeks later in mid June I stopped working per doctors orders. Luckily I had short/long term disability insurance through work, but my monthly COBRA health insurance premium ($900) was more than my monthly disability payment. I was forced to move out of my home. I applied for food stamps and received only a very small amount eventhough every penny of my monthly income was going to pay my health insurance. *(the federal government does not allow medical insurance premiums to be counted as a monthly expense for public assistance...WTF?) My family and boyfriend supported me for the next 7 months along with food stamps.

In October I had major surgery in Boston, MA (travelled for surgery) and by this time I had been forced to stop driving also due to symptoms. Then 7 months later in January 2014 I dropped my COBRA coverage and went onto free state Medicaid health insurance. Thanks Obamacare! I continued to receive food stamps, but now with no enormous COBRA payment I had my monthly private disability $ to support myself and no longer needed my family (dad & uncles) to give me $. All the while I was fighting to get approved for Social Security Disability as my condition had not improved, and my health had actually gotten worse at no fault of my own. I have always eaten well, and have never been overweight, abused drugs, smoked, or been a drinker. I am now diagnosed with 5 different serious incurable chronic illnesses that are hereditary in nature. It’s like my body just hit a wall. I have a bunch of specialists who say all they can do is treat my pain and symptoms.

My story has a somewhat happy.ending for a 35 year old disabled chronically ill person in that my SSDI case was approved in January of this year after 2 appeals and with the help of a lawyer. Next month I will stop receiving private disability and will begin receiving my SSDI benefits of $897 a month , I will continue to receive food stamps (currently get $16 month), and I still am on free state Medicaid health insurance. However come December I will be eligible to enroll in Medicare and keep Medicaid as a secondary because I am so poor. So here I am a 35 years old college educated woman unable to work, or drive, with $28K in student loan debt, and living in poverty due to hereditary medical issues. And to think in 2012 I made over $30K that year. Seems like a lifetime ago.

What budget?

I live in central Pennsylvania and I am thirty three years old. I currently receive three hundred dollars in Snap (food stamps) benefits per month for a family of six with four of them being children. I and the other adult in the household work full time forty hours plus per week jobs. What is our budget? What budget? After basic utility expenses, daycare costs and gas to go to work we are left with very very little to spare. Three of my children are supposed to receive about $570 per month total for child support. Their father has been behind on payments since he started “paying” and once a year gets taken to contempt court for non payment yet all the court does is extend him time to “find a new job”. His support payments would more than balance out my snap benefits but I do not receive support on a regular basis. I work a very physically demanding job. I don’t just sit at home collecting freebie welfare benefits.

I have seen people take such advantage of the system. One such person can’t work due to irritable bowl syndrome (at least that’s what the doctor excuse said) and receives cash assistance and free medical assistance. Another example is drug addicts who end up receiving the same benefits after giving themselves diseases and end up qualifying for social security disability payments yet I pay taxes just like every other working american but cannot afford health care. I definitely think it’s fair to drug test for benefits on the simple basis that drugs are illegal but do not think it’s fair to tell me what I can buy with said benefits. I for the most part buy healthy foods such as lean meat, vegetables, and whole grains. On occasion I do not though. When one of my children has a birthday for example I use my snap benefits on treats such as cake mix, candy or soda. Is my grocery cart stocked with processed foods all of the time? Most certainly not but I should be afforded the same rights as people that make more money than me and who do not need assistance to choose what I consume.

A gift for mom

My mother and her husband used to live on the combined income of her Social Security and his Disability which was about $1800 a month - their mortgage is $1100, medicare part B is combined $150, their medications cost about $200, car payment $150, utilities (phone, gas, electric, basic cable, internet) $300- which leaves them -$100 a month, but really counting things like gas, cleaning supplies, debt repayment they are actually behind by $300 a month.They were receiving about $200 a month in SNAP which combined with visits to the Food Pantry kept them fairly well fed, without crazy luxuries but they weren’t living on beans, rice & turkey thighs (the cheapest food one can find to live on). Until last month when he turned 65. Since her husband turned 65 their SNAP allowance was reduced to $78 a month. Because he now receives Social Security instead of Disability, and his PRE TAX income shows that they make too much money to qualify for more assistance, even though his actual cash in hand is less than it was before. So they have less money coming in and less resources to buy food. Good thing we keep pushing for tax breaks for Millionaires. They are not likely to get jobs at any point in the future, they are both over 65, she’s had a stroke and he’s blind in one eye, diabetic and has a heart condition. And yes they could move to a cheap apartment, and yes they don’t need cable, and yes they made A LOT of bad choices and that lead them to the place where they are at, but still. It’s heartbreaking to hear that my mother doesn’t have enough food, and yes I help her when I can, but we are not exactly living large and we both work. I sent her a gift the other day, part of it was extravagant- because she has major Maine lobster envy- but via Fresh Direct for $48 I sent her : Lobsters, 2 Denver Cut Steaks, 1 Pork Loin, 2 Melons, 1 LARGE Heirloom tomato, 3 Ears of Corn, Half a Dozen Bialys.

Yes, for the same money I could have sent her alot more food, but I know my mother, I know that she needs treats and that the $1.50 Heirloom Tomato and the Lobsters helped her feel good and human and less needy, because it fucking sucks to have to define yourself and your life by being needy. Sometimes you have to feed your soul as much as your body. I wish I could gather a legion of home cooks, armed with spoons and spatulas to help make sense of SNAP to work with Americans to show them how to feed themselves, nourish themselves and their families on what they have available, because not everyone has a relative who can send them a bag of groceries when they need it. I wish I could teach everyone not just to put food in their mouths but good food, delicious, healthful food, joyful food even.

I volunteer at my local soup kitchen, I cook for them with as much care as i do when hired to cook a dinner for $75 a head, because everyone deserves delicious food made with care, and no one in this country with so very very very much should be hungry.

[Image by Jim Cooke]

Contact the author at Hamilton@Gawker.com.