Robert Deniro —a humble thespian, a man of art and letters—has rented a rental apartment in the city of New York for the price of one hundred and twenty five thousand dollars—per month! Robert, what do you even think life is—a dream?

I want to address this directly to Robert himself. Robert: Page Six says that since they are doing "renovations" on your old apartment after there was a fire there, you needed to rent. There is no shame in that. Then they tell me you chose to rent an apartment that costs one hundred and twenty five thousand dollars—per month! Where did you lose the plot my man? Were you drinking when you made this decision? It's okay but we need to be honest about this. Do you think you have to live among rich people and big shots in order to look like a "real man?" I'm here to tell you that material things and fancy apartments don't make you a "big shot" Robert. People already like you for who you are. People watch you acting like other people and they think you're good at it. You don't have to impress them—or me. To put your financial decisions into perspective for you, the apartment under mine is for rent right now, and you could have rented it for five years for the price that you're paying to rent this exquisitely profligate palace—per month! There's nothing wrong with the apartment downstairs from me. It's very comfortable.

Do you think you're some kind of rich guy? I guess you are but this is still a lot of money to pay. Have you saved for retirement? Invested in your future? Robert!

Wake up and smell the real world—find some satisfaction in "the finer things" in life—and if you think I mean fancy apartments, you're wrong—I mean the love of family and friends. There's still time for you to get back on track my man. Life is not about blowing money like it's just a firework.

[Photo: Getty]