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For some reason, Steve Harvey is considered a relationship expert, even though his research involves only his own experience and that of his parents, and his ethos is based on gender stereotypes. He frequently backs his claims with, "We're men!" and leaves it at that. He offers common sense (of a certain discipline) for the senseless (and the insecure).

Harvey has teamed up with Oprah Winfrey for a month's worth of weekly Oprah's Lifeclass episodes, the perfect platform for a blowhard. On last night's show, a woman asked Harvey about being referred to as a "friend" by the man she has been dating for four months. She said she was too timid to ask him about it because she wanted to let him be the man. In response, Harvey said:

So, all you need is a title. And that's what we do. When we love women, and the way we show our love is we protect, we profess, and we provide. The professing part is a title. 'Cause we want people to know. For example, if we go to a party with our girl—wife, fiancé, whatever it is—and we're standing in a group, and she wants some punch and I'm going to get her some punch, a guy makes the announcement to everybody standing around, "Hey man, let me introduce you. This is my fiancé." Or, "Hey man, let me introduce you, this is my baby's momma." Or, "Hey man, let me introduce you, this is my lady." Because we know we have to mark this territory...

And then he used those words, a phrase most commonly used to denote the act of an animal pissing on a thing to claim ownership of it, again.

And then Oprah said, "That is fantastic, that is like a dog sort of lifting its leg!"

Yeah! Fantastic! Love is: pissing on a woman not for her but for you.

And then Oprah lifted her leg. Even more fantastic!

"Don't make us have to urinate on your leg!" Harvey said. You hear that, women? Don't make men piss on you because they will.

Steve Harvey, ladies and gentlemen.