whose movie, 500 Days of Summer, begins with these words: "Any resemblance to people living or dead is purely coincidental. Especially you, Jenny Beckman. Bitch." To Page Six.

Monday morning means box office. And a hot Monday morning means summer box office. Which means big, depressing numbers for big, depressing movies. Like G-Force, a Jerry Bruckheimer-produced sorta-animated movie about guinea pigs. Yes, guinea pigs.

Dumbledore could (and should) buy out the American auto industry. Madonna's dry thrusting leads to tragedy. Google Images will explode within the next few hours. And everyone is mean to the writers!