Worried that you might not actually know the words to the original "99 Problems," Rush Limbaugh would like to recite them for you. The original lyric, mind you, was indeed "bitch" before Jay-Z changed it to "Mitt" for an Obama rally. Rush would also like to remind you that Jay-Z uses the word "hoes." And also probably "hood."

Newark mayor-cum-superhero Cory Booker and hip hop's Jehovah Jay-Z both garnered viral traction today from two separate lyrical remixes to "99 Problems," raising the critical question: Who remixed it better?

Caleb Mason, an associate professor of law at Southwestern University, has done us all a service by producing, in a paper for the Saint Louis University Law Journal, the most thorough legal reading of Jay-Z's "99 Problems" yet. The upshot? Jay-Z mostly gets it right, except for one glaring omission. Some highlights:

Zoolanderesque Philly fameball Arthur Kade has a problem: "I become so much better than everyone else that I get bored and stop focusing on the basics." That's just the beginning.