Satisfied that their nine-year Star Jones infestation has effectively been dealt with, the last of the festively striped fumigation tarps tented around The View's studios were dismantled by workers and the lady chatfest quickly went back to business as usual. Interestingly enough, the week following Jones' departure, which saw a rotation of guest hosts including Brandy and Susan Lucci, had some of the show's best ratings in years:

It hasn't just been a record-shattering week for movie folks: The Big Four networks have been setting benchmarks themselves recently, though don't expect Variety to fall open to a color, gatefold ad proudly touting the fact that they have just reached the smallest audience in TV history:

If you're anything like us, you too are searching for any crumbs of explanation for what could have possibly come between two beloved TV personalities who once called each other friend, Star Jones and Rosie O'Donnell. NY Daily News JV Gossip Lloyd Grove thinks he may have some answers, singling out O'Donnell's May 12, 2004 appearance on The View as the day their mutual loudmouth lovefest went sour:

Many of us snickered in delight as we witnessed the Circle of Celebrity Karmic Comeuppance do its thing and dispose of Star Jones. We erroneously assumed, however, that once the shit hit the spinning blades of Barbara Walters' unhinged fury, Jones would simply splatter against the faces of the studio audience, never to be heard from again. This does not appear to be the case, however, as she has emerged intact, and is doing the media rounds. Because we do anything we can to help you avoid listening to her speak, a Jones-on-the-offensive round-up:
· On Larry King Live last night, Jones stuck by her right "tell the truth" about being fired, having felt audiences might have seen through Barbara Walters' plan of telling the world she was leaving her job at The View for an exciting opportunity to become Payless Shoe Source's first Celebrity Corn-Awareness Activist. [Bonus: Did one of them let 'er rip?]

We marveled yesterday at the cool proficiency with which ABC managed to blot out any trace of recent Barbara Walters' Shit List topper Star Jones from their website. (For those who still care, Jones swats back in today's NY Daily News, with more to come on Larry King Live tonight.) Several readers wrote in to inform us, however, that Jones' bio lives on at its original abc.com URL, a slightly modified version of the same bio that appears on StarJones.com. The last lines would indicate the information is somewhat out of date:

Amidst the cacophony of syrupy farewell tributes that seem to be clogging up the morning show rounds lately, there's something almost refreshing about the beyond messy thunderstorm of bile surrounding Star Jones' abrupt—yet somehow nine years too late—departure from The View. Nothing until now has quite reached the glorious levels of passive-aggressive, full-frontal cattiness of this morning's show opener, however (video above). On a very Star-free set (our closer-to-the-action sibling Gawker cites a source who claims Jones "refused to get into her towncar this morning,"), reigning View monarch Walters spills every petty, in-fighting bean: "We'd hoped she'd leave with dignity. But Star made another choice." Walters then reached behind the couch and retrieved a Bloomingdale's bag, spilling its contents on the floor in front of her. "But since our former colleague left us in this manner, I have absolutely no regrets about showing you the bag full of spare stomach staples and trimmed flesh from his last tummy tuck—God only knows why she saved it—that she forgot to remove from her dressing room. She chose this undignified path, not me."

More information has emerged regarding Star Jones' earth-shattering sayonara announcement on this morning's The View. According to an AP interview granted by Barbara Walters after today's taping, it was ABC suits, not she, who had long ago decided not to re-up Jones contract, citing research which found that (surprise!) audiences mistrusted and disliked her. Meanwhile, those shouts of "Shocking!" and looks of feigned surprise from her co-hosts were in fact genuine, as Jones was supposed to hold off on making her statement until Thursday's show.

UPDATE: Jones tells People: "'What you don't know is that my contract was not renewed for the tenth season. I feel like I was fired.' She adds that she was told her contract wouldn't be renewed just days before news leaked that O'Donnell would be joining The View."

Having been pleasantly surprised that audiences were willing to shell out $1.99 on iTunes for the same shows they could watch on TV for free, ABC continued its Experimental Journey to the Future with a trial service that allowed internet users to save the two bucks in exchange for sitting through some online ads:

· Apple is in negotiations with major studios to move iTunes into film, but the studios don't like Apple's plans to sell all movies for $9.99, wanting to maintain their ability to price "popular content" higher than run-of-the-mill, back-catalogue "crap." [Variety]
· Inside a recent pitch meeting at DreamWorks: "OK, think Groundhog's Day, but with Valentine's Day instead." "Sort of like Groundhog's Day, or exactly like Groundhog's Day?" "Exactly like it." "Sold!" [THR]
· Even World Cup soccer can't dampen the foreign moviegoer's appetite for boring blasphemy, as Da Vinci Code wins its fifth straight weekend at the international box office. [Variety]
· Game 5 of the NBA Finals leads ABC to victory over NBC's and its latest summertime schedule spackle, Treasure Hunters. (Go team Busty Grad Students!) [THR]
· Netflix reveals plans for a subscription-based film downloading box, which would help it compete with cable companies' VOD offerings as well as frustrate all but the most devious of movie-pilfering mail carriers. [Variety]

· CBS affiliates argue that they shouldn't have to to pay the $3 million fine levied for airing Without a Trace's Very Special Teen Orgy episode because every complaint filed against the show came from the websites of religious crackpot organizations Parents Television Council and the American Family Association, not "real people." And as we all know, real people love nothing better than watching teenagers simulate group sex on network television. [THR]
· Because we know how hot and bothered it makes you to hear about how much advertising time the networks have sold, Fox and CBS have filled 70% of their ad slots, NBC 40%, and ABC is waiting for better offers on Lost and Grey's Anatomy. You may now take five minutes for a cold shower and then return to work. [Variety]
· Fox's Rupert Murdoch decides not to create his own search engine, and instead will choose between Google, Yahoo, and Microsoft to provide search services that will allow MySpace's millions of lurking pedophiles to more efficiently find the profiles of vulnerable teens. Or totally rad emo bands, depending on their mood. [Variety]
· Shitergy Update! Corporate monolith News Corp plans on exploiting every part of its multimedia empire to promote next year's Simpsons movie, including forcing president/COO Peter Chernin to dress as a different Simpsons character each day and speak only in amusing soundbites from the popular animated series. [THR]
· We have no idea what the basic cable series starring Kevin Bacon's wife is about, when it airs, or even what network it's on, but 8.3 million viewers watched its second-season premiere. We've got to start branching out from TiVo'd episodes of Blow Out one of these days. [Variety]

Please clear room in your schedule for tonight's mandatory gathering:

With Katie Couric gone and newbie Meredith Vieira on her way in, things around the Today show could get shaky. Though Today is doing as well now as it was before Couric left, the changes might expose some of the production's tender spots (like the one on the back of Matt Lauer's head). It would seem the perfect time for ABC and Good Morning America to take the lead, but the departures of executive producer Ben Sherwood and co-host Charlie Gibson leave GMA wobbly. And who the hell is going to share the couch with Sawyer?

· Please don't read anything untoward into the phrase "expand their relationship" or jump to conclusions about what kind of "modestly budgeted films with local talent" that Hugh Jackman and his partner might make. You're better than that, we know you are. [Variety]
· Bacon Plots His Revenge: You either want to read about that, or you don't. [THR]
· An upfront standoff ends as ABC drops its demand that advertisers pay for viewers who watch their shows on DVRs, but the net reserves the right to later extort ad buyers over potential viewers who intend to watch a show but never get around to it. [Variety]
· Cybill Shepherd will dabble in some girl-girl action as a member of the cast of The L Word, playing a married mother who begins to question her sexuality when surrounded by incredibly hot lesbians. [THR]
· THR launches The Hollywood Reporter ESQ, a trade paper for the people in the industry who write the contracts and lovingly sign cease and desist letters. Don't miss the first issue's centerfold spread, featuring entertainment law legend Bert Fields splayed on a bearskin rug before a cozy fire, his natural state covered by nothing but one of his books on Shakespeare. A small book. [THR]

Now that her Good Morning America co-host Charlie Gibson has filled the last available network anchor slot, no one really knows what the hell poor Diane Sawyer is going to do now. Obviously, she's not going to stay at GMA forever, but you'd be safe to bet that she's going to leave sooner rather than later — perhaps within the year. Not that anything's even near official, but her minions are already rumored to be interviewing with the Today show's Matt Lauer. Which is only slightly less insulting than if they were interviewing with Meredith Vieira.

· International audiences love boringly presented blasphemy, Brett Ratner: Da Vinci Code wins the foreign box office for the second week in a row with $90.9 million, while new release X-Men: The Last Stand rakes in $76.1 million. [Variety]
· CBS settles its lawsuit with Howard Stern and Sirius, with Stern's new satellite home paying CBS $2 million for rights to his radio archives, dashing our hopes that the affair would be settled by a winner-take-all match of anal ring toss between Les Moonves and Beetlejuice. [THR]
· The Palm d'Or goes to director Ken Loach for The Wind that Shakes the Barley, reminding us that films besides Da Vinci and X-Men screened at Cannes. [Variety]
· Studios looking past traditional promotional campaigns with fast food and soft drinks tie-ins this summer are joining up with less conventional marketing partners, like Superman Returns' risky, co-branded line of feminine hygiene products featuring Lois Lane's likeness. [THR]
· ABC and CBS make it easy for viewers to ignore their American Idol clones The One and Rock Star by scheduling them to face off in the same summer timeslot. [Variety]

• Charlie Gibson scores the ABC anchor spot, leaving poor Diane Sawyer high and dry.
• Let's put it this way: Would you want to go sit at Jared Paul Stern's old desk?
• Anderson goes on Oprah, bores us. But he was adorable on an old World News Now. And she's obsessed with death.
• You will not get to go to Africa with Nick Kristof.
• Breaking news: New Yorkers go to gyms! Even Adam Moss and Mr. Big.
• All hail Le Cirque, or so says the Wednesday media club.
• Neither the Clintons nor Shock magazine are very shocking, though the later is a guilty pleasure.
• Gay gay gay. Gay.
• Another gossip type, another book party. Make that two.
• America, this old man is your Idol. And Alessandra will do her best to tell you about it.
• West Chelsea gets even worse.
• The Fifth Avenue Apple store has been open for one full week now. Has your head exploded yet?
• And it's Memorial Day weekend. See you Tuesday.

• Remember how Women's Wear reported last week that Mort Zuckerman's doesn't like how he's characterized in onetime News editor Ed Kosner's forthcoming memoir? Well, he still doesn't. And now he's demanding corrections. [NYP]
• OK! America is now apparently doing OK in America. [Guardian]
• Charlie Gibson knows he's old, and he hopes he doesn't get hit by a truck. [Newsweek]
• Ellen Levine got to pick her Good Housekeeping replacement: Prevention's Rosemary Ellis. [WWD]
• Obligatory Romenesko-isn't-working-today-but-we- still-are post. [Romenesko]

The NY Times delves into NBC's unprecedented rejiggering of their fall schedule, which began with a scuttling of Aaron Sorkin's drama-about-a-comedy Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip away from the Thursday night competition, and, like a bored, jittery housewife on a furniture-rearranging rampage, led to drastic tinkering with the rest of the schedule :

Having found himself in the unenviable position of having his peacock messiah, Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip, grabbed by its feathered neck and thrown into a Burbank back alley for a proposed cockfight with ABC's unstoppable Grey's Anatomy, NBC president Kevin Reilly has finally succumbed to the deadly game of network programming chicken, moving 60 from the Thursday at 9 p.m. slot to the more poultry-friendly waters of Mondays at 10 p.m.: