What do the nation’s premiere teen mom sex tape purveyor and the nation’s House minority leader have in common? The answer, surprisingly, is lack of access.

Robert Wood "Woody" Johnson IV, of the Johnson & Johnson Johnsons (and owner of the pitiable New York Jets), is also a big political power player. He had his own "hospitality suite" at the RNC this week! So because he is a billionaire political donor he is accused, sometimes, of trying to buy influence. That's nonsense! As he explains in the Times today, he is but a simple down-home constituent, just like you: