Though Kim Jong Un’s world might seem glamorous, it turns out that the life of a despotic, human rights-violating dictator is stressful. Because since ascending to the throne in 2012, Supreme Commander Kim Jong Un has put on nearly 100 pounds.

Kelly Kreth used to work in PR doing stuff for real estate or something. Now she writes about her rear end in myriad and upsetting ways for the New York Press. In her latest column in the Press, Kreth has written what seems like a Swiftian satire of currently internet-famous New York Casanova Paul Janka's rampant and blatant misogynism. But really maybe it's just a chance for her to talk about her butt in very graphic terms.

Over at journalist George Gurley's latest couples therapy session transcribed in the Observer, the saddest trainwreck takes a turn for sadder trainwreckiousness, as his ladyfriend has demanded an engagement ring (which according to her and their terrible therapist, has nothing to do with getting married): "HILLY: You know what I'm sick of? I hate the stigma of feeling like one of these sucker-punched spinster loser Manhattan hags with a million cats and a stack of New Yorkers. I'm sick of it! I just want it done." You know, I ran into George and Hilly the other night and they seemed completely reasonable! But that was an illusion! [NYO]

Kurt Eichenwald antagonist Debbie Nathan writes that the former New York Times reporter "not only gave money to a child pornographer, but did business with him and even signed on to an illegal porn website as a member and administrator, documents unsealed yesterday in a federal criminal proceeding in Nashville reveal. He claims in one court document, he only 'posed' as a pedophile." Three predictions: Things are going to get a lot worse for Kurt Eichenwald. Debbie Nathan is going to get sued. We are still going to feel icky about this whole thing. [Counterpunch]

"A Burning Man participant was found dead this morning, hanging from the inside of a two-story high tent, according to Mark Pirtle, special agent in charge for the Bureau of Land Managment.... Pirtle said the man was hanging for two hours before anyone in the large tent thought to bring him down. 'His friends thought he was doing an art piece,' Pirtle said." [SFGate]

Jessica Cutler, the Washingtonienne blogger who has declared bankruptcy after being sued by a former paramour, has filed new court documents about her financial situation. Some days we wonder to what our lives amount—what will we eat when we are 50? How will we ever retire? Looking into the big pink spread of Jessica's financial life fills us with a real agonizing sadness. On the bright side: Maybe she's a zen master, free from the burden of objects! Also she pays 400 bucks a month rent for an apartment just this side of Syracuse. Oh, Jesus, our future is so bleak.