A recent letter to Slate agony aunt columnist Emily Yoffe starts out as a stunner and just continues to build. It is the fakest thing we've ever seen. Unmarried cat lady seeks help!

• This is what happens when you tell him "Band on the Run" is rubbish. [TMZ]
  

• Thanks to Madonna, a Malawian boy can now look forward to a life of bad food, gloomy weather and falling short in international sporting contests. Hope he enjoys the in-flight champagne and prawns. [Guardian]
  

• Lindsay Lohan wants a break from whatever it is that she does for living. [MSNBC]