A.G. "Baller of a New Generation" Sulzberger—son of NYT publisher Pinch Sulzberger, heir to the throne of the Times empire, and natural wisenheimer—has completed his exile in Middle America, where he helmed the Kansas City desk and was forced to endure prolonged periods of subpar vegetarian cooking. He's coming home... TO RULE. To work on the Metro Desk, we mean. Don't fool yourselves; he'll be ruling soon enough.

When heir to the New York Times throne A "to the muthafuckin" G Sulzberger joined the paper as a cub reporter last year, we asked—for journalism reasons—whether he had a girlfriend. Now he has "spilled the beans," love-wise!

New York Times crown prince A "to the" G Sulzberger has triumphed in his most demeaning test thus far: writing an entire story about bathroom breaks. You don't have to take this, AG! Put those editors in their place! [Previously]

The only way the New York Times can escape the clutches of a Mexican billionaire is by successfully instituting a paywall. Who has it chosen to manage this treacherous path? The publisher's nephew. He used to run a DJ school.

After the weekend's blindingly obvious NYT scoop that the police department fudges the crime stats for its own benefit (they showed that on the The Wire like years ago, duh), the question remains: What do New Yorkers "at churches, businesses, community meetings and along the sidewalks on a bitingly cold Sunday morning" think about all this? The paper sent lowly metro reporter and publisher-to-be A "to the" G Sulzberger Jr. to find out, mostly because it was a good excuse to send the kid out on a "bitingly cold Sunday morning." Stay strong, AG. You'll be able to fire all those editors before long.
[NYT]

Flirt Alert! Tinsley Mortimer, the bubbly blonde socialite of our dreams, is single and ready to mingle. She was spotted at Sundance looking for a man, which is pretty desperate. So we thought we'd help her find The One.

Arthur "Young AG" Sulzberger XVIII, heir to throne of the New York Times paid online internet empire, hath tracked down yet another important story in his ongoing quest to become the Metro section's most quirkiest cub reporter who will be everyone else's boss one day. Here is what Young Sulzberger learned in the course of his routine perambulations: a certain oafish ruffian has been terrorizing the law-abiding residents of the Village of Greenwich as of late. Notable in and of itself? Sadly not; the streets of our fair city have become alarmingly less safe since the immigrant gangs made their way of Five Points.

Young Sulzberger writes on a boat. Young Sulzberger knows how to float. Float, AG, float!

Intrepid heir to the New York Times throne A.G. Sulzberger The Younger hath ventured forth in search of the city's oldest tree! Not to speak out of place, Sulzjunior, but are you sure the editors aren't screwing you?

Heir to the New York Times throne A "To the Muthafuckin G" Sulzberger, The Younger, has been sent out into a virtual urban war zone! People are being shot (with BBs) all over Alphabet City. To the projects, AG!

There's a reason why you haven't heard much about the Brooke Astor trial in recent weeks, according to the New York Times' A.G. Sulzberger: "[T]he parade of celebrity witnesses has come and gone, and as the testimony has narrowed to the observations of her hired help, the gallery has mostly thinned out to the usual suspects: reporters, lawyers and court employees." Celebrity witnesses may have left the building, but celebrity newspaper reporters are still on the scene, apparently. [NYT]

The New York Times has been grooming young A. G. "The Future" Sulzberger to take over the company by slowly easing him into the journalistic fires. Now, he's really earning his wings—By covering Manhattan's street fruit stand wars!

Wow. NY Times heir A.G. "The Future" Sulzberger is really having to earn his stripes. Last weekend he was dispatched to cover the Puerto Rican Day parade, and this weekend he covered the Jew/gay-haters from Westboro Baptist Church.

On the scene to cover the Puerto Rican Day parade: none other than heir to the New York Times throne, A.G. "The Future" Sulzberger! A.G. did what he does best: ferret out penetrating quotes.

The outlook wasn't brilliant for Young Sulzberger that day; His stories had been boring, tho' his wit's on full display; But then an editor cried out, "AG! Come earn your pay!"; "Your presence is required at the baseball game—hey hey!"

Heir to the NYT throne and lowly metro reporter A.G. Sulzberger heard someone say: "This is the Cage. You have to seriously be a baller to come here." A.G. Sulzberger is one such baller!

Every time we post a photo of A.G. Sulzberger, heir to the New York Times throne, the ladies go wild. "Is he single?" they ask, lustily. We want to know too, but for professional reasons!

Maybe some NYT editors are not aware that one A.G. Sulzberger is only um their future boss, okay??????? Because they have him writing the most inane stories in the entire paper. Today: Bus cords.

It's time to check in on the New York Times' 28 year-old reporter equal to any other, the heir to NYT throne, A.G. Sulzberger! He's writing about light bulbs:

Brash young New York Times metroblogger and heir to the empire AG Sulzberger is already being allowed to summarize the Sunday news shows. The future of journalism, in more ways than one! [NYT; Pic via]