United Airlines is retrofitting 19 of its large planes to “10-abreast seating in economy” class, which currently has nine-abreast seating. Someone please regulate airline seating before we are sitting on the wings.

The first elected official who is able to pass a law ensuring that airplane seats are large enough for human beings to sit in will be incredibly popular. At the moment, we are still moving in the opposite direction.

“You Are Now Free To Move About The Country” became a wildly outdated slogan for Southwest Airlines as of this week. Perhaps the addition of the phrase “If Not A Minority” would help.

On Saturday, a plane full of vacationers disappeared from radar and crashed in a mountainous region in the Sinai Peninsula, killing all 224 passengers and crew aboard. Now, Germany’s transport ministry is warning airlines against flying the same route above Egypt’s Sinai Peninsula, stoking rumors about the cause of the crash.

Air travel is the fucking worst, everyone agrees, but it is sometimes a necessity. And, when it is, most people just book the cheapest economy flight available to them, regardless of airline, and suck up the indignity of layovers, limited legroom, and cramped baggage space. Now, Delta has introduced an additional indignity to which you must agree before taking your place behind some seat-reclining asshole.

In the wake of widespread outrage over the killing of Cecil the lion, Delta Air Lines announced today it would no longer ship lion, leopard, elephant, rhinoceros or buffalo trophies as freight.

For the past several years, the airline industry has been making spectacular profits by using a conscious strategy of making flying less pleasant for passengers. Next on the agenda: your luggage.

On a flight from Nicaragua to Miami Sunday, a woman decided to test American Airlines' "no smoking" rule by lighting up on the plane. Even though everyone had seen her (and some of her fellow passengers were taking video), she tried to pin it on the guy sitting next to her. As in-flight annoyances go, smoking in an enclosed cabin is pretty bad—but that's just scratching the surface of what happened in this airborne waking nightmare.

Some years ago, the airline industry set itself on the path towards its current record profits by shrinking seats more, and more, and more. What does the future hold for airlines? More shrinking seats.

U.S. airlines posted more strong profits in the latest quarter, and say they expect the good earnings to continue for the foreseeable future, so it seems like a great time for them to install some human-sized seats in the motherfucking planes.

LaGuardia Airport employees responsible for cleaning airplanes and bathrooms staged a walkout this week, saying they're not being adequately protected against the Ebola virus.

As reclining-airline-seat rage sweeps the nation, it is time for some real talk. Sure, it's fun to fantasize about smashing those rude seat-reclining travelers who smash our knees. But the actual villain in all this is clear: the airline industry itself.

Those who keep a close eye on the airline industry tell us that many airlines today are considering doing away with "First Class," in favor of, I suppose, either more ultraluxury seats, or more tiny hell seats. What was "First Class," anyhow?

If you've taken a commercial airline flight recently, you could be forgiven for assuming that airlines are broke as hell, forced to penny-pinch and slash service to the bone. Not so! Several airlines reported record profits this week. But how?

Following a report of a rocket attack near the Ben Gurion airport in Tel Aviv, Delta, U.S. Air, and United have canceled or redirected flights headed there. At 12:15 p.m., the FAA banned all U.S. airlines from flying to Ben Gurion for 24 hours.

A regional airline pilot flew directly to jail after a lame attempt at smuggling cocaine into the country landed him in the hospital.

In a yearly industry ranking of U.S. airlines, high-flying iPad simulacrum Virgin Airlines stole the top spot for the second year in a row, due to its baggage handling and capability to show up mostly on time. Its unfettered access to hot new tracks and complimentary "welcome cocktails" was not counted.

The challenge, should you have the gumption to accept it, is to take all your forthcoming mid-air cocktails without the tangy garnish of a fresh lime. Several airlines are soon to nix them from their inflight service.

Flying, once a quirky luxury, has not completed its transition into an unavoidable descent to hell. The experience of flying on commercial airlines grows more excruciatingly painful by the day.

Republic Airways announced this week that it's grounding 27 of its planes due to a "shortage of qualified pilots." Possibly related: many airline pilots get paid jack shit.