Alan Greenspan, the guy who saved the world right up until we realized he was responsible for destroying everything, says stocks are headed up. PANIC.

This is a new series that names people who are not publicly gay, but have been shackled by rumors throughout their careers which warrant further discussion. The evidence provided has been gleaned from various Gawker sources enamored with this sort of outing process. If you have any evidence proving their gayness or their heterosexuality, please share it in the discussion system. Hooray.

Some people, with a twisted sense of aesthetic value, purchased portraits of former Fed chairman Alan Greenspan when he was lauded as an economic hero. Now those works of art are worth less. And Alan Greenspan is still ugly. [WSJ]

L.A. Dodger Matt Kemp squeezed Rihanna. Who's happier, him or the photographer who shot it? Vince Vaughn gets married. Gaga gets a new look. Jeremy Piven has a lobotomy scar? Tuesday gossip has room for argument.

ABC's This Week with George Stephanopoulos scored higher ratings than NBC's Meet the Press for the first time since 1999 this past weekend. Stephanopoulos' guests on the show were Alan Greenspan, Timothy Geithner and Larry Summers. [Yahoo]

Paul Krugman writes in his column today about "the magazine cover curse." Funny he should mention it!

DC's annual "Gridiron Club Dinner" is pretty much just like the White House Correspondents Assocation Dinner, except it's White Tie. Barack Obama skipped it, god bless him.

You've disappointed us, but we shall abide by the will of the People: Bernard Madoff won our poll to identify the face of the New Depression with 29% of the vote.

Bernie Madoff is leading our Most Loathsome Financial Villain poll, but there's still time for second-place Alan Greenspan to make a comeback. Go vote for your candidate!

The New Depression rolls on and those overpaid AIG failures are this week's target for populist wrath. But do you hate them more than last week's villains? Embrace your hate and vote in our poll.

All of the government's pesky market intrusions have people snapping up copies of Atlas Shrugged like they were bailout packages. Since it's not like Ayn Rand's laissez-faire fantasies got us into this mess.

We always thought of NBC's Andrea Mitchell as a prime example of the utter failure of television news departments to police glaring conflicts of interest, but apparently she is a gay icon!

Publicity-seeking artist Geoffrey Raymond is downtown today with his painting of former Fed chief Alan Greenspan, in case you happen to have nothing to do and you'd like to add your commentary to his portrait of the "Fallen Prince." [Dealbreaker, previously]

♦ This could get messy: Asian and European markets were mauled on Friday, pointing to another monumental beating for the U.S. market today. [MW]
♦ A recap of Alan Greenspan's humiliating day in front of members of a congressional panel yesterday. [NYT, NYP]
♦ One of the very few people who is having an exceptional year: John Paulson, whose three funds are up between 15 and 25 percent. [WSJ]

♦ Yesterday's sell-off is expected to continue today. [WSJ]
♦ Even Goldman Sachs is cutting. The firm plans to cut 10 percent of its 32,000 employees. [WSJ]
♦ The glory days of hedge funds are over, as you're probably aware. [NYT]
♦ Credit Suisse reported a $1.08 billion loss during the third quarter. [DB]
♦ The inquiry into the financial crisis on Capitol Hill continues. Today's guest piñata will be Alan Greenspan. [NYT]

NBC political correspondent Andrea Mitchell is one of the network's news stars, so it's only natural that we've been seeing a lot of her lately. Even when the topic turns to the government's and the candidates' responses to the current financial crisis. But you will not see her, supposedly, when the discussion turns to "past economic decisions" that led up to the crisis. Because Mitchell is married to Alan Greenspan, the former Federal Reserve Chairman who many say is basically responsible for the housing bubble. And that is their conflict of interest compromise: Mitchell will report as usual until the reasons we got to this point are discussed, at which point she'll quietly disappear from your television without explanation. Unethical! Or, you know, the standard way of doing business in political journalism. DC is an incestuous town and everyone knows and is basically friends with everyone else. The media-political complex has lots and lots of intermarried "journalists" and "operatives" and everyone has politely agreed to assume that everyone else is totally professional about it. So they get a bit tetchy when the Columbia Journalism Review is all "disclose your relationships or just be more independent or something" because what do those kids know? If Tom Brokaw wants to play golf with John McCain that is his business (note: we don't know if John McCain can play golf but the two are still definitely probably friends). The standard argument is that one has to find concrete evidence of "bias" before one can claim these chummy relationships are no good, but honestly the "bias" is so ingrained in the process that it's a useless task and one is best served by appyling a gimlet-eyed suspicion to everyone one sees on the TV and then voting for Ron Paul.

CNBC is usually sort of like commercial hip-hop for really nerdy people: even if you are totally broke, it is still kind of fun to get in on the giddy clubby lingo of the wealth creating classes, babbling incomprehensibly about the ETFs and munis and benchmark outperformers financing the ice and Benzes and G4 jets of middle-aged white guys and throwing massive tantrums directed at any haters standing in wealth's way. Well okay but not today! It is a decidedly toned-down day on CNBC, because as the Times's Andrew Ross Sorkin already told you no one got any sleep last night and everyone besides Erin Burnett looks like death. But don't let that put you off! As the CIA can vouch, sleep deprivation is like truth serum for some people!And this morning it was worth watching the money network for rare footage of the laissez fairest of all making such uncharacteristic proclamations as: financial stocks shouldn't trade higher than six or seven times earnings, Alan Greenspan was a fuckup, no one has any clue what the hell is going to happen and the whole thing was the inevitable result of a trillion ton stockpile of hubris. Rare real (and real tired) talk from Bush's old plutocrat tax slasher Larry Lindsey, former Salomon Brothers chief and Liar's Poker excessophile John Gutfreund and market-friendly finance journalists like CNBC's David Faber and the Times's Andrew Ross Sorkin when you click the video. Oh also some people wanted to blame CNBC for Bear Stearns' implosion but it is clear from their coverage today that CNBC would never do such a thing on purpose.

This is just the type of stupid internet thing that helps us keep the faith that the web is not yet a medium totally co-opted by corporate media powers such as Gawker: Highfalutin magazine of the gods The Economist lost a fight to gain control of the domain name TheEconomist.com, which for the past decade has been owned by some random IT guy in Maryland. And the best part is the guy does absolutely nothing worthwhile with the site. The magazine is stuck with Economist.com, even though they are a huge international media conglomerate with some of the most intellectual content in all of magazine publishing, and their opponent is a guy who says he wasn't even aware of the magazine's existence in 1996 when he registered the site (The Economist is 165 years old). That's what they get for only offering him $500 for the domain—the diverted web traffic is costing them lots more than that. So what does the proud owner of TheEconomist.com do with his valuable property? Below, an actual screengrab of the totally pointless thorn in the magazine's side.

After years of anxious anticipation, the debut issue of Portfolio, Conde Nast's new entry into the crowded biz mag field, has hit the stands. We'll have more—much more—on this important launch later, but if the premiere issue's centerfold is anything to go by, Business Week, Fortune and Forbes should definitely be soiling their collective trousers.

• Fortune editor to co-write Alan Greenspan's memoir. He's say he's excited, but that might be viewed as irrationally exuberant. [NYT]
• And Ted Turner will likely have a memoir coming, too. [NYP]
• More and more newspaper advertising is shifting to web. Um, duh. [NYT]
• Elizabeth Vargas needed that anchor chair like a fish needs a bicycle. Honest. [Phil. Inq.]