Michael Lohan says he took cops to Lindsay's house on Thursday to check on Ali. Dina Lohan says Michael didn't even recognize Ali. Lindsay Lohan says her father is "the devil's advocate," whatever that means. Who do we believe?

Uber-rich playplace Saint Barthélemy suffers from the unbearable lightness of too much fabulous; Gloria Allred aims at Shaq; Mike Tyson won't be charged for beating a paparazzo; Michelle beats Barack at tennis. New year, new gossip.

Lindsay Lohan shopping at Intermix on Prince Street yesterday afternoon with her sister Ali (and causing a bit of a scene in the process) ... Angelina Jolie talking on her cell phone during a break from filming Salt ... Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz walking in Midtown with son Bronx ... former NFL player/coach Tony Dungy walking in Central Park on Sunday ... Scarlett Johansson signing autographs after a performance of A View From The Bridge at the Cort Theatre ... Jonah Hill walking up Broadway ... Tim Robbins watching a Rangers game with his son last week ... and Eva Longoria cheering on her husband at the Knicks-Spurs game at Madison Square Garden on Sunday night.

Sometimes, a good paparazzi shot makes us stop thinking about rumors and start thinking about whether big eyeglasses are passé, yet. Lindsay has a new beau, her dad has a new excuse, Gosselin's ex thinks someone is framing her. Gossip!

It's a big week for Diane Sawyer. Last night she made her debut on ABC's World News, and today just happens to be her 64th birthday. Others celebrating today: Ralph Fiennes turns 47. Ali Lohan, Lindsay's kid sister, is turning 16. Theater producer Daryl Roth is 65. Vanessa Paradis, the French singer/actress and Johnny Depp's significant other, turns 37. Neocon/Bush crony Paul Wolfowitz is 66. Robin Gibb of the Bee Gees turns 60. And Jordin Sparks, the winner of the sixth season of American Idol, is 19 today.

Of all of Courtney Love's addictions, we're glad that Frances Bean Cobain has taken up her "ranting on the internet" addiction. You have got to check out her Twitter smackdown of Ali Lohan. Daddy would be so proud.

• Just as Jude Law is getting ready to play Hamlet on Broadway next month, his most recent baby mama, model Samantha Burke, has her lawyers offering up an exclusive interview and pics of their soon-to-be-born love child. Ah, there's nothing like milking a little publicity. [P6]
• Madonna bailed on Marc Jacobs' after-party at Hiro on Monday eve despite attending his show. Not to worry: Lindsay Lohan, Mischa Barton, and Rachel Zoe were all there, so there were plenty of people to stir up trouble. [NYDN]
• It looks like LiLo has made her 15-year-old sister, Ali, her new partner-in-crime when she goes out to party at night. We have a feeling this isn't going to end well. [MSNBC]
• Michelle Williams opens up about Heath Ledger's death in Vogue's October issue: "After the first year, the pain is less intense; it's less immediate... But every time I really miss him and wonder where he's gone, I just look at [Matilda]," she tells the magazine. [Vogue]

Marisa Tomei sitting on a bike with boyfriend Logan Marshall-Green in SoHo ... Heather Mills walking home after a visit to the hair salon ... Drew Barrymore leaving Gemma after lunch ... Ali Lohan walking in NoHo with a male friend ... Kirsten Dunst hanging out with younger brother Christian in SoHo ... Rihanna arriving at a recording studio downtown ... Carolina Herrera eating a late dinner at Elio's last night ... Britney Spears taking her sons Sean and Jayden to see The Little Mermaid on Broadway ... Sophia Bush leaving Pop Yogurt in SoHo with boyfriend Austin Nichols ... Hugh Jackman walking with his daughter along the Hudson River ... Lindsay Lohan leaving the Bowery Hotel in the back seat of an SUV ... ... Amanda Seyfried eating ice cream on Houston Street .... and Frances Bean Cobain walking with friends on on 14th Street.

Adrian Grenier walking in the West Village, laptop amnd coffee in hand ... Courtney Love getting out of a car in SoHo ... Diddy walking down Broadway ... Geraldo Rivera carrying his dry cleaning across the street ... Sienna Miller walking in SoHo ... Sarah Jessica Parker leaving her townhouse in the Village ... Kanye West walking with Amber Rose in SoHo ... Jodie Foster hailing a cab ... Renee Zellweger leaving ABC studios in Midtown ... Agyness Deyn walking in SoHo ... Jessica Biel getting in an SUV ... Julia Roberts walking downtown ... Melanie Brown and husband Stephen Belafonte shopping in SoHo ... America Ferrera filming scenes for Ugly Betty ... and Lindsay Lohan standing outside the Waverly Inn with sister Ali and a friend.

• Stephanie Seymour and Peter Brant will meet in Greenwich divorce court for the first time today. Expect some fireworks: Brant has already filed a motion demanding Seymour "undergo drug and alcohol testing"; for her part, Seymour is accusing Brant of "hostile, threatening and intimidating behavior." [NYP]
• Now that he's split from his wife, Sean Penn is supposedly dating Natalie Portman (again), since she "stimulates him in ways no other person has." [Star]
• Rumor has it Madonna and Jesus Luz are planning some sort of commitment ceremony at the Kabbalah Center sometime soon. [NYDN]
• Luke Russert was either the "It" boy at the White House Correspondents' dinner on Saturday night, or has been a major disappointment for MSNBC, depending on who you talk to. [NYDN, P6]
• Speaking of nepotism, Meghan McCain reportedly "lost it" and acted like an "insolent child" when a guard told her she couldn't bring two friends into the Correspondents dinner on Saturday. [NYDN]

• Eliot and Silda Spitzer made their first public appearance together last night. The couple turned up at the Waldorf for the eighth annual Children's Benefit Gala and were spotted holding hands and making "lovey-dovey looks at each other." Unconditional love is a beautiful thing. [NYDN]
• The stress over the Kiefer Sutherland/Jack McCollough incident must be getting to Brooke Shields: She was spotted looking "upset, overwhelmed and stressed" at the Innocence Project gala on Wednesday night. On a related note, the desk appearance ticket Kiefer received yesterday means he will be a free man until he shows up in court on June 21. [NYDN, NYP]
• Lindsay Lohan's 15-year-old sister Ali has reportedly dropped out of high school so she can party full-time with her big sister. Good work, Dina. [P6]
• Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick are expecting girls when their surrogate gives birth in a few weeks. [OK!]

Either Lindsay Lohan's entire crazy family is really on Twitter, or the world's best comedy writers have taken to the medium. Here are Dina Lohan's Twitter tales of bad tea, insidious censorship, and "HATERS."

Diane Sawyer is two years away from officially becoming a senior citizen. It's her 63rd birthday today. Others celebrating on this chilly Monday: Chef Anita Lo is 43. Theater producer Daryl Roth is turning 64. Vanessa Paradis, the French singer/actress and longtime love of Johnny Depp, is turning 36. Ralph Fiennes is 46. Mia Tyler, the daughter of Steven and half-sister of Liv, is turning 30. American Idol winner Jordin Sparks turns 19. And Ali Lohan is 15 years old today.

Dylan Lauren celebrated the re-launch of Dylan's Candy Bar on Monday night with a bash at her Third Avenue store. In addition to siblings Andrew and David and mom Ricky, guests included Woody Allen and Soon-Yi (with their kids), Ivanka Trump, Donald Trump Jr. and wife Vanessa Trump, Lauren Bush, Dan Abrams, Olivia Palermo, Katie Lee Joel, Rachel Roy, Fabiola Beracasa, Stacey Bendet, Eric Villency, Jamee Gregory, Bettina Zilkha, Amy Sacco, Thom Filicia, Dori Cooperman, Ingrid Sischy, Dave Zinczenko, Kelly Killoren Bensimon, Karen Duffy, Kira Plastinina, Jason Biggs, Tyson Beckford, and fraudster Tatiana Boncompagni. [PMc, NYO, Wireimage, GoaG]

Sienna Miller and Balthazar Getty making out on the sidewalk in the West Village ... Jessica Alba and Cash Warren walking in Brooklyn with baby Honor ... Michelle Williams taking daughter Matilda to the doctor's office, then getting in a car with Spike Jonze ... Eva Mendes on the set of her new film ... Daniel Radcliffe jogging on the sidewalk ... Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes leaving the American Felt building with Suri ... Dina and Ali Lohan attending a Halloween charity event ... America Ferrera on the set of Ugly Betty in Gramercy Park ... Lauren Conrad posing for photos outside the Letterman show, and later going out with her new boyfriend Kyle Howard ... and Pink leaving the Alexander McQueen store on West 14th.

[Dina Lohan and Ali Lohan, mother and sister to actress Lindsay respectively, at a charity event in New York on Sunday; image via WENN] bringmemyTofu's new line beats the original, The True Spirit Of Halloween.

Dave Chappelle walking with his wife and kids in SoHo ... John Mayer leaving his apartment building with a duffel bag ... Michael Stipe leaving lunch at Souen on East 13th Street ... Mary-Kate Olsen walking with her finger wrapped in a bandage ... Sarah Silverman and Tina Fey outside the Letterman show ... Jessica Alba standing on the sidewalk with her bodyguard holding her waist... Lindsay Lohan going into Kirna Zabete in SoHo, and later leaving the Bowery Hotel ... and Dina and Ali Lohan leaving the launch of Lindsay's new clothing line at Henri Bendel.

♦ Rachael Ray's reps are denying reports that Ray has throat cancer, although they do admit she's having surgery for a cyst on her vocal cord in December. [People]
♦ It was a busy weekend for Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. With hoards of paparazzi in tow, the couple made an appearance at the premiere of Changeling, where Angelina showed off her newest tattoos (the coordinates of the places where each of her kids was born) and told reporters that she and Brad are planning to have even more kids. [NYDN, OK!, previously]
♦ Howard Stern and Beth Ostrosky tied the knot on Friday night at Le Cirque with Billy Joel performing in front of guests like Denise Rich, Joan Rivers, Barbara Walters, and Donald Trump. [NYP, Us]
♦ A fire at Geraldo Rivera's home on Friday didn't singe his mustache, but it did damage the two 1954 Jaguars in his garage. [P6]

♦ Natalie Portman is single. She's split up with boyfriend Devendra Banhart. Best of luck, guys! [People]
♦ The son of famed architect Richard Meier says his dad is gay and he was forced into a mental hospital and disinherited for saying so. Richard's friends, meanwhile, say he's definitely not gay and he's actually quite the ladies' man. [P6]
♦ Clay Aiken pocketed roughly $500,000 for his coming-out cover story deal with People. [MSNBC]
♦ Sarah Palin might make a cameo on Saturday Night Live. Also, Hugh Hefner would love to give her a spread in Playboy. [OK!, Daily Star]

Former child actress Lindsay Lohan is defending her kid sister, reality TV actress Ali Lohan, against rumors that the youngster has had breast augmentation surgery. When someone posed the question, Linds ripped the bounder apart on her Myspace page. "It made me feel a bit sick to my stomach," she wrote. "My response simply was, 'Did you really just ask me that? She is a 14-year-old girl, and you are a pedophile!'" She then goes on to stand up for her mom.