If you're tired of staring at all the jarfuls of brown, amputated toes cluttering up the mantel above your fake fireplace, consider shipping them off to the Sourtoe Cocktail Club: Canada's most popular drinking organizations for amputated toe-drinkers. They'd be happy to garnish their drinks with your disgusting old digits!

A homeless Bellingham, Washington man showed up at some (random?) urologist's office Thursday morning missing his right arm, which he'd cut off using a homemade guillotine. Authorities aren't sure if the man amputated his arm on purpose or by accident, but say he has mental issues.

If I lost a leg 15 hours ago to a locomotive, I can tell you this: I would not be chilling in a hospital room, casually describing the bummer for reporters as if it were a story about misplacing my favorite hash pipe. I would be screaming. Pretty loudly, I'm sure. Or drugged unconscious. But not James Piles! James is a kind-bud-toking, one-legged warrior.

Big surprise: Amnesty International says North Korean health care "is in shambles," with doctors sometimes performing amputations without anesthesia, working by candlelight in hospitals with no power. So, try not to be in a mandatory-amputation situation in North Korea. [AP]

There's really no gentle way to put his, so we'll just cede the podium to Star magazine for the latest news involving Shia LaBeouf's injured hand: