Did you know Anne Hathaway's new movie Passengers opens today? You might if you follow Defamer Attractions, but the paranormal thriller is a no-show in virtually every other corner of media except for 165 ill-publicized screens around the country. The trailer online won't dazzle anyone, either, but still: Isn't Anne Hathaway (not to mention her co-star Patrick Wilson) kind of... big right now? What are its backers at Sony thinking?If or when they ever respond to our requests for comment, we'll let you know. Meanwhile, the obvious speculation that Passengers — about a grief counselor (Hathaway) whose plane-crash-surviving patient (Wilson) develops extra-sensory powers — was never intended as anything more than a DVD-ready, straight-to-Flopz™ enterprise doesn't quite explain treating a Hathaway vehicle this way. However aromatic, could it really be any worse than the Lindsay Lohan stillbirth I Know Who Killed Me, which Sony unloaded last year on a relatively extravagant 1,300 screens? Hathaway's profile alone could open at least that many — maybe not this weekend, opposite Saw V, and maybe not even this month, but surely some time this fall, and at a much better per-screen average that IKWKM's pathetic $2,656. In fairness to Sony, though, Passengers from the start was not an especially promotable film. And not just because it looks terrible: Neither Hathaway (who went straight from publicizing Get Smart to handling Rachel Getting Married in July and August, dragging her FollieriGate baggage all the way) nor Wilson (finishing Watchmen and jumping to Broadway) would have been around to promote it, and it doesn't look like something generally non-hacky director Rodrigo Garcia would be especially proud of on his own. And while we're hypothesizing, why not lob a conspiracy theory: What if the Sony Pictures Classics gang, which has an Oscar nod all but cinched for Hathaway for Rachel, made an appeal to the mothership to keep Passengers buried where Academy voters couldn't find it? Call it "Operation Norbit," named after Paramount's botched Eddie Murphy supporting-actor campaign in '06 — highly unlikely, but certainly no weirder than not knowing Anne Hathaway's new movie opened today.

Sad news for fans of sophisticated financial swindles: Raffaello Follieri, the con man ex-boyfriend of pixie-like actress Anne Hathaway, has been sentenced to four and a half years in THE SLAMMER for defrauding various investors in his fake-ass imaginary company out of $2 million or so. The Post scored this sweet photo of Follieri, Hathaway, and the Pope, which the Italian pretty boy tried to use for sympathy. Did not work!

♦ Lydia Hearst, seen here attending a party last week, doesn't think her family's publishing company should be hosting parties these days. "It's time to work through this crisis, not party through it," she says. [P6]
♦ How are Madonna and Guy Ritchie coping with their split? Madonna has supposedly enrolled in anger management classes at the Kabbalah Center, while Guy has been out with Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law. [The Sun, People]
♦ Elisabeth Hasselbeck is introducing Sarah Palin at a rally in Florida this weekend. [ET]
♦ A month after vacationing together in St. Tropez, Jennifer Lopez has asked Benny Medina to come back on as her manager. [Fox411]

Raffaello Follieri's precipitous slide from Anne Hathaway's Italian prince to just another fake Pope-anointed land baron hit bottom today in New York, where a judge sentenced him to four and a half years in prison for wire fraud, money laundering and conspiracy. Follieri, 30, pleaded guilty last month to bilking investors of nearly $2.5 million in funds intended for the Vatican and other low-end Catholic properties; his plea required him to agree not to appeal any sentence up to five years, three months. But it didn't mean he couldn't keep appealing to Hathaway, according to InTouch:

A Manhattan judge handed down a 4 1/2-year sentence to Raffaello Follieri this afternoon on wire fraud, money laundering and conspiracy charges. Anne Hathaway's ex-boyfriend is expected to serve his sentence at either Fort Dix or Otisville. (He'll have to cough up a $1,400 fine, too.) But he's really sorry: "I just hope that someday those who have been hurt by my actions will forgive me," he said to the judge through a translator. [People]

• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes can't stop buying their East Village neighbors' apartments. There are two flats for staff alone. One's a gym. Everything's on a different floor. Insane. Sounds like them! [P6]

· Anne Hathaway is set to star in The Fiance, about a young woman who, despite her parents' wishes, leaves her seemingly perfect fiance in order to find herself. Let us guess — he's Italian, right? [Variety] · Lionsgate has attached Ashton Kutcher to portray an ex-hit man in the action-comedy Five Killers. [Variety] · Today in survival: ABC has picked up a full second season of its medical soap Private Practice, and CBS ordered more scripts for its new series Worst Week. [The Live Feed] After the jump: What Oscar-nominee hopes to win the Nobel Peace Prize and call Bill Clinton a "weenie" in her next film?· Naomi Watts is close to a deal to star in My Name is Jody Williams, a biopic of the brash teacher-turned-activist who launched a controversial, Clinton-needling campaign to eradicate land mines. [THR] · Rosie O'Donnell will star in and executive produce the Lifetime original movie America, an adaptation of E.R. Frank's touching book about a troubled, 232-year old superpower fighting its way through the foster-care system in New York. [Variety]

• Jennifer Aniston is either back with John Mayer and maybe asking for his hand in marriage because of a> "a barrage of romantic emails from him "(Star), b> her pregnancy with his love child just like in those pictures or c> an insatiable need to look insane in the tabloids.

♦ Jennifer Aniston is pregnant with John Mayer's baby. At least that's what the always-reliable Star is now reporting. [Star]
♦ Remember how Donald Trump said he'd help Ed McMahon by buying his home out of foreclosure? Seems like it was just a publicity stunt at McMahon's expense, although Ed's newfound career as a rap artist should pay the bills for now. [P6]
♦ Your daily dose of Madonna-Guy news: Madge says her husband lived "like a king" off her money and she's insisting the kids be with her during the holidays ("Christmas doesn't exist in the Madonna household because of Kabbalah"). For his part, Guy may already have a new girlfriend. [Daily Mail, Mirror, Page Six]

♦ Who's helping Madonna cope with her nasty, public divorce from Guy Ritchie? Best pal Gwyneth Paltrow, of course. "You know, she's a dear friend, and I'm supporting her in all [the] ways that I can... she's a very good friend." [Us, AP]
♦ In other Madonna news, Guy Ritchie now believes Madonna is spying on him, Madonna is now suggesting she wants to raise her kids in NYC, and Alex Rodriguez wants to move so he can be closer to the love of his life. [The Sun, People, R&M]
♦ Least plausible rumor ever: "Well placed sources" say that if Obama is elected president, he'll consider making Oprah British Ambassador. [TMZ]

♦ Michael Phelps is telling people he's single even though he's actually dating Miss California runner-up Nicole Johnson. [R&M]
♦ Peter Cook's interview with Barbara Walters airs on Friday, but Christie Brinkley's lawyers now say he violated a confidentiality agreement by speaking with the network. [OK!, ABC News]
♦ Hugh Hefner says his relationship with Holly Madison began to crumble six months ago when they found out his sperm count was too low to father any kids. Also, he's already auditioning new girlfriends. [E!]
♦ Anna Wintour's latest celebrity obsession? Gerard Butler. [P6]

♦ David Letterman is in talks with John McCain about rescheduling his appearance on the late night show. [NYP]
♦ Sarah Palin will make two appearances on Fox News this week. [Politico]
♦ If your copy of the Times looks a little bit different today, that's because the paper has been busy shuffling around its various sections. [E&P]
♦ The LA Times may lay off as many as 75 staffers this week. [Variety]
♦ How big banks are handing their ad campaigns during this turbulent time. [NYT]
♦ CBS has had a solid start to the fall season. NBC has not. [AdAge, THR]
♦ Anne Hathaway has signed on to appear in Alice in Wonderland, which Tim Burton is directing. [THR]
♦ Why is Jim Cramer employed? That's what we'd like to know. [Romenesko]

Tina Fey and Peter Dinklage filming scenes for 30 Rock outside NBC studios ... Whitney Port walking on the Bowery with Jay Lyon ... Blake Lively carrying her dog on the set of Gossip Girl ... Sarah Vowell standing outside the Letterman show ... Tom Cruise leaving an office building in SoHo with Katie Holmes and Suri ... Brooke Shields on the set of Lipstick Jungle ... Anne Hathaway showing up at the SNL after-party at McCormick & Schmick ... and Carrot Top and his girlfriend arriving at LaGuardia.

Welcome back to Defamer Attractions, your weekly guide to everything new, thrilling and thoroughly unnecessary at the movies. And we've got plenty of each to go around today as seven films are opening or expanding on 1,000 or more screens, a pair of Oscar-chasing indies open small and a legion of talking dogs threaten to overtake the box office. You can't say we didn't warn you. So read on for our picks, poxes and DVD alternatives for those of you too overwhelmed to face the multiplex. We feel your pain. As always, our opinions are our own, but with unfailing taste and accuracy like this, why argue?WHAT'S NEW: This is the week we've been waiting for since May, when Disney ignored our urgent plea to immediately release Beverly Hills Chihuahua from its high-camp captivity. And now that it's here, we're kind of over it; blame it on last month's chihuahua-only sneak preview. Not like the sadists at Disney need us: BHC is this week's only new family release and will do business accordingly, setting up for around $32.3 million over the three-day. The Michael Cera/Kat Dennings effort Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist will ride teens and the date crowd to about $17 million, which still won't be enough to overtake Eagle Eye for second place. Nothing else will break $10 million; Greg Kinnear's windshield-wiper biopic (!) Flash of Genius is on too few screens, Julianne Moore's dodgy drama Blindness will fall victim to the angry blind lobby, and Ed Harris's expanding Western Appaloosa couldn't find traction when it was on 1,000 screens, let alone 2,000. Most of the remaining release slate looks like a gang of orphans hassling tourists for change: Jia Zhangke's acclaimed Still Life; the timely, revealing political doc Boogie Man: The Lee Atwater Story, Rutger Hauer's psychological love-triangle drama Mentor; Obscene, the story of Grove Press publisher Barney Rosset; the Muslim stand-up concert film Allah Made Me Funny, and the Iraq-vet basket case drama The Violent Kind. THE BIG LOSER: MGM's hard-luck streak looks likely to continue with How to Lose Friends and Alienate People, the adaptation of Toby Young's thinly-veiled bestseller about his misadventures in the Conde Nast empire. It won't fail for lack of trying — at least not with a cast including Simon Pegg, Kirsten Dunst, Megan Fox and Jeff Bridges rocking his best Graydon Carter impression — and a month ago, in less-congested times, this may have even had some multiplex leverage. But in this glut, with the reviews it's receiving and audience awareness less than half of what it needs to be, expect a $3 million opening and quick dispatch to DVD. Where, in fairness, the Fox connection will more than make up for it stillbirth at the box office.

Famous actresses should really write something into their contracts that says that in the case of their ex-boyfriend being arrested for international money-laundering and fraud, all mandatory TV interviews for a new movie can be postponed at least until his trial is over. Anne Hathaway already had to face David Letterman's questions about her ex, conman Raffaello Follieri, and today she had to go on Good Morning America to explain what she "learned" by dating an Italian hustler. Uh, not to do it? Click to watch her speak poignantly enough to live up to GMA's standards of public purging. [The saddest part of all is that the movie she's promoting, "Rachel Getting Married" is absolutely terrible. Epically grating. I even got free tickets, but Jesus. It's not worth the headache, Anne.]

♦ Britney Spears went to a Bronx school yesterday to visit some children. Unfortunately, the school was closed for the second day of Rosh Hashanah, so her handlers had to rustle up a bunch of other kids for the photo op. [OK!]
♦ Adnan Ghalib is backtracking on his Britney sex tape story. He now says there never was one to begin with. [MSNBC]
♦ Larry Flynt says his company has already shot a new porn movie starring a Sarah Palin look-alike, although he's not revealing the title yet. [R&M]
♦ Are Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady getting married? [Chicago Sun-Times]
♦ The woman who spotted Heather Locklear's car swerving and dialed 911 was former Us Weekly staffer Jill Ishkanian, who now runs a paparazzi photo agency of her own. [MSNBC]

If a Family Feud pollster approached you in the street and asked you to name which actress has had the most turbulent 2008 thus far, many of you would likely respond with Anne Hathaway. Heck, just in the last 24 hours, she's had to fend off a pesky line of questioning from David Letterman and a nasty bit of internet gossip about her behavior in the boudoir. Well, in the interest of helping her through this rough patch (and on the road to possible Oscar gold), our Intrepid Defamer Videographer™ Molly McAleer has a bit of advice for the former Mia Thermopolis. Catch it, along with this evening's To Do's, after the jump. Enjoy!· My Bloody Valentine at the Santa Monica Civic Auditorium. · Neil Diamond at the Hollywood Bowl. · Can You Rock It Like This? at the House of Blues.

As if Anne Hathaway didn't have enough to contend with this week while facing her Rachel Getting Married press grind and her debunked predilection for... well, you know, the beleaguered actress joined David Letterman on Tuesday to sift through the detritus of her doomed relationship with Raffaello Follieri. In apparent exchange for omitting those rumors from his intimate line of questioning, however, pretty much every other subject was fair game. And to her credit, Hathaway played along even livelier than you'd expect a woman getting the third degree over an ex who's just about start a five-year term in federal prison. And, praise God, she reclaimed her dog! Screw Mickey Rourke, seriously — this is a comeback story for the ages, and just about all the happy ending we can stand. [The Late Show]

It's the rumor that's been burning up the internet for the last few days: in an upcoming issue of Esquire, actress Anne Hathaway will open up about her love of anal sex. After describing it as one of the most sensual things she's ever done and something that makes her feel "feminine in a very special way," the actress supposedly says, "Every woman should try it, otherwise they miss out on something amazing." While Hathaway has played her fair share of sexually provocative roles in films like Havoc and Brokeback Mountain, we were skeptical of her newfound candor; nevertheless, the rumor has only built up steam over the last few days (it was spread by Gawker, LA Rag Mag, and thousands of other sites). Emboldened by our investigation into Megan Fox's own magazine confessions, we knew we had to find out: are these Hathaway quotes for real, and if not, where did they come from?Our first instinct was to disbelieve the story; after all, virtually every profile we've ever read of Hathaway mentions how carefully and professionally she answers questions, concerned that her quotes will be taken out of context. Had Hathaway been emboldened after her split with boyfriend Raffaello Follieri, or was someone putting naughty words in her mouth? Turns out, it's the latter. We contacted Esquire for comment, and spokesperson Rhett Usry was shocked by the rumor. "Absolutely not true," he told us. "There is no interview with Anne Hathaway at all in the upcoming issue of Esquire." So where did the story originate? All signs point to this September 12 posting on Celeb.Dump, a photo-laden blog promising "Sexy Celebrity Pictures With Little To No Bullshit" (and headlines like "Stacy Keibler is so very hot" and "Jessica Simpson touching herself"). "Thanks to Miss M. from Esquire for letting me know" about the rumor, said the poster (who declined our repeated requests to comment on his tip). As for how this obscure bit of gossip hit the big time, we're betting it's due to a potent mix of wishful thinking, Hathaway's Rachel Getting Married press tour, and lingering conflation of the actress with Brokeback Mountain. Either that, or Follieri's got an axe to grind. Memo to Celeb.Dump: if your "source" claims to be Esquire's liaison to the Vatican, it may be time to place some calls. [Photo Credit: AP]

Madonna carrying son David into the Kabbalah Center on East 48th Street ... Whitney Port walking in SoHo ... Blake Lively shooting a scene for Gossip Girl in Times Square ... Pete Wentz leaving the SoHo Grand with a coffee in hand ... Denzel Washington and wife Pauletta leaving lunch at Nello's ... Clay Aiken leaving the Shubert Theater ... Jennifer Hudson posing for photos outside MTV in Times Square ... Anne Hathaway standing outside outside the Letterman show ... Katie Holmes leaving her apartment en route to the Schoenfeld Theatre ... and Britney Spears making her way into the Fragment jewelry store on Prince Street, then checking out In The Heights on Broadway later that night.