That's not a "major" layoff, as one Valleywag tipster maintained this morning. As Eric Savitz points out in Tech Trader Daily, Apple would have to file through the WARN Act if it was going to conduct major cuts. But the WARN Act does not generally apply to layoffs of fewer than 500 employees.

One tipster tells us there are "major layoffs" at Apple. Another writes that "all sales teams have mandatory meetings today" and that "HR booked conference rooms in Cupertino." Is Apple cutting salespeople loose?

Since Silicon Valley has so few real celebrities, why not go crazy for the ones we have: Dancing With the Stars premieres in one week with Apple co-founder (and Kathy Griffin ex) Steve "Woz" Wozniak.

Poor Jim Goldman! The CNBC reporter keeps coming up empty-handed on Apple scoops. His latest complaint: Apple didn't let him bring a laptop or BlackBerry into its annual shareholder meeting. Bloggers liveblogged it anyway!

Steve Jobs won't attend Apple's shareholder meeting. He may have stopped using his computer altogether. No surprise, since the Apple CEO is on medical leave. But people just can't stop talking about him.

"My Phone" rhymes with "iPhone"? Microsoft executive claims cluelessness.

"Steve Jobs has started writing a book," a plugged-in tipster tells me. It's the barest of rumors, but the book industry is already eagerly anticipating the Apple CEO's autobiography.

We doubt Apple will sign this guy up for an endorsement deal, but Mullah Zaif, a former Taliban official, raved about his iPhone to Al Jazeera correspondent Hamish McDonald during a visit in Kabul.

A lordling of Silicon Valley, whom bloggers trust but don't dare name, surfaced to dismiss the notion that Steve Jobs, the ailing Apple CEO, was at Stanford Hospital for surgery Monday. Should we believe him?

Ailing Apple CEO Steve Jobs checked into Stanford Hospital over the weekend and was scheduled for surgery this morning, we hear.

Steve Jobs, currently on medical leave as Apple CEO, is not dead, but the major networks are acting as if he were. Producers from CBS and NBC are scheduling interviews for their Jobs obituaries.

"Why don’t you guys leave me alone?" Apple CEO Steve Jobs testily asked a Bloomberg reporter probing him about his health. Good luck with that: The Securities and Exchange Commission is asking, too.

CNBC tech reporter Jim Goldman blew the biggest story on his beat by insisting his "sources inside the company" said Apple's Steve Jobs was in tip-top shape. Do these sources even exist?

Reached by a Bloomberg reporter asking about his latest health scare, Apple CEO Steve Jobs finally snapped. "Why don't you guys leave me alone — why is this important?" It's an intriguing question.

The wall of secrecy surrounding Steve Jobs's medical crisis is breaking down. Now that the Apple CEO has announced he's taking a six-month medical leave, his confidantes are speaking to the press. But which ones?

There's a reason why CNBC viewers get shortchanged on their tech coverage: Jim Goldman, the network's Silicon Valley bureau chief, is not very tall. It's the kind of thing polite people don't talk about here.

After telling CNBC viewers for weeks that Steve Jobs is "fine," the network's Silicon Valley bureau chief Jim Goldman tried a novel experiment in journalism: Talking to a source who wasn't an Apple flack.

While Steve Jobs' famed "reality distortion field" transformed, despite all odds, computers, music, movies and cell phones, it is his own body which has proven resistant to his formidable power to reshape the world.

CNBC's website is reporting that Steve Jobs, Apple's heroic CEO, is taking a six-month leave of absence to deal with his declining health. It is the best thing for Jobs. And for Apple.

Dan Lyons, the Newsweek columnist who launched his career from obscurity by impersonating Apple's CEO on a viciously satirical blog, has revealed what he really thinks of the man. Put on your blast armor.