Tim Cook, Steve Jobs's second-in-command, may be up for the top job at Apple should anything happen to the company's iconic founder. Indeed, he's already subbed in once when Jobs was recuperating from surgery to treat pancreatic cancer. But who is this guy? Even Fortune's in-depth profile gives few clues: Cook, 48, is a Southerner who's "intensely private," a "fitness nut," and a "lifelong bachelor" who rents a house in Palo Alto. Outside interests? "When he isn't working he tends to be in the gym, on a hiking trail, or riding his bike." Come on. What is this — a Fortune profile, or a men-seeking-men personals ad in Craigslist?Gina Gloski, a classmate of Cook's at Auburn University, told Fortune, "He just never seemed that interested in other people. I'm a hugger and a kisser, but I'd never feel comfortable giving Tim a hug or a kiss." A Republican when he worked for IBM, he donated money to Barack Obama's campaign. We dislike stereotypes as much as the next guy. But an intensely private bachelor in his 40s, with a Southern background? We'd be remiss in our duties as a gossip if we didn't wonder if Cook was gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that: Apple recently donated $100,000 to the unsuccessful effort to defeat Proposition 8, California's ban on gay marriage. (Photo via ZDNet)

Some days it seems like Steve Jobs will be CEO of Apple until he dies. But after a bout with pancreatic cancer and a health scare earlier this year, peope are starting the grieving process earlier. Part of that involves playing a guessing game about who will take his place. Fortune convincingly argues that Apple COO Tim Cook is the only real candidate.Cook is paid more than anyone else at Apple, and he's the only executive allowed an outside board seat (Cook is a director at Nike). More importantly, he's humble enough not to push for a CEO job that can never be his as long as Jobs is in the saddle. True, Cook is an operations expert, not a product genius like Jobs, but he could surround himself with Apple executives like Scott Forstall and Jonathan Ive to make up for that lack. Only one wild card: Mark Papermaster, the IBM chip executive whose recruitment by Apple has embroiled the companies in a lawsuit. if the hire goes through, Papermaster will report to Jobs, not Cook.

Why did Tony Fadell, the driving force behind the iPod, leave Apple? We know this much: Apple is willing to pay him handsomely not to make a fuss on the way out. Digital Daily notes that he's getting paid $300,000 a year through March 24, 2010. That's a 40 percent paycut from his regular salary of $500,009, but the salary is the least of his post-Apple compensation. according to Apple's 10-K filing. If he keeps his gig as as a "special advisor," doesn't sue Apple, and agrees not to recruit Apple employees to any new venture, he'll get 77,500 shares of Apple stock — currently worth a cool $8.4 million.

A tender postscript at the bottom of a New York Times article about iPod creator Tony Fadell's departure from Apple: His wife, Danielle Lambert, who works as a VP of human resources at the company, is leaving, too. A good thing: If she had stayed at Apple, the line that Fadell was leaving to spend more time with his family might not have run true.

We knew there would be last-minute dirty tricks in this campaign — but who knew they would include attempting to turn the powerful Apple fanboy vote? iPhone Savior has revealed, with suspicious timing, that Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama uses a desperately uncool Motorola Razr, not the iPhone spotted in his hands back in May. Then again, maybe Obama's trying to appeal to America's industrial heartland; Motorola is based in the suburbs of Chicago, where Obama has his campaign headquarters. Or, possibly, he just wants to make phone calls.

Hope you weren't too excited about those rumors of an Apple store opening on West 34th Street. It's no longer in the works. Despite the fact that Apple has been paying $5.9 million in rent for the space since 2006, Apple chief Steve Jobs has apparently decided that the location across from the Empire State building is a little too low-class: "One source said he looked at a run-down building across the street and said, 'This is not for Apple.'" [NYP]

Tony Fadell, the head of Apple's iPod division, is exiting Steve Jobs's reality distortion field. While Fake Steve Jobs likes to take credit for inventing the frigging iPod, its real mastermind is Tony Fadell, who took his plans for an MP3 player to Apple in 2001 as a consultant. His replacement: Former IBM chip expert Mark Papermaster, whose erstwhile employer is suing Apple to prevent him from taking a job there. That Papermaster is replacing Fadell makes its lawsuit even stranger; it is seeking to enforce a noncompete clause in his contract, but a job overseeing MP3 players and cell phones hardly seems a competitive threat to IBM. Fadell is planning to take some time off Pity. Since he joined Apple, Fadell's homepage has turned into a placeholder. We were looking forward to the return of the "jazzy, shameless self-promotion" it once offered.

Friedman Billings Ramsey analyst Craig Berger claims his industry contacts know that Apple's Q4 iPhone production will be more than 40 percent lower than Q3. So, even though poor people are the iPhone's largest growth market, overall sales are expected to be off because rich people stop buying gadgets when the Nasdaq drops. I'm getting tired of this global-downturn talk. Where's my reality distortion field? (Photo by otakuchick)

Who's Mark Papermaster, the chip guru Apple and IBM are scrapping over? Here's one clue: He's the kind of guy who has no photos online. There used to be a "Mark Papermaster" profile on Facebook, but it's gone. No wonder he wants to disappear: Apple hired Papermaster, formerly a VP at IBM, possibly to run its PA Semi chip-design subsidiary. Apple switched to Intel chips for its Macs years ago, but after it bought PA Semi, speculation grew that it might use some variation on IBM's Power chips for the iPhone and iPod. Papermaster could help with that.IBM is suing Papermaster and Apple over the terms of his noncompete agreement. Apple and IBM hardly compete, which makes IBM's lawsuit a bit puzzling. California law is unfriendly, in general, to noncompete agreements; if anything comes of the lawsuit, it will likely be some kind of settlement. Here's why I think IBM is suing Apple and Papermaster: It just wants to get some idea of what Apple's up to.

How to wear it: Black mock turtleneck, blue jeans, and an iPhone. How to scare them: Find an Apple shareholder. Clutch your stomach and groan. Next: Kara Swisher, obnoxious AllThingsD blogger

The Jesusphone is no longer just for privileged white folks. "The strongest growth in users is coming from those earning less than the median household income, particularly since the launch of the iPhone 3G." So says a report from ComScore, which concludes that "lower-income mobile subscribers are increasingly turning to their mobile devices to access the Internet, email and their music collections." Awesome. Now I can buy an iPhone 3G without feeling I'm being extravagant. But I can't shake the feeling this study was secretly paid for by RIM. (Photo by r.f.m II)

What's wrong with this picture? That silver Mercedes almost certainly the Jobsmobile, iPhone Savior believes — except it's not parked in a handicapped spot. There's one right there, ripe for the parking! Here's a wild theory: Apple PR controller Katie Cotton is so concerned about continuing rumors about Jobs's health that she no longer permits him to take the blue spaces — lest someone think he actually needs one. Can you think of a better caption? Leave it in the comments. The best one will become the post's new headline. Yesterday's winner: null, for "It'd hit me."

There's a "Steven P Jobs" on Facebook. But it's not Apple's CEO. How can I tell? The biographical details, which anyone can get from Wikipedia, are all correct. But the "About Me" section is a dead giveaway.It reads, "Have a passion for really great products!" The exclamation point kills it for me. Add to that: He's not even in Facebook's Apple network. His wife, Laurene Powell-Jobs, and his daughter Lisa Brennan-Jobs both have Facebook profiles, and they aren't on his friends list. Sadly, 75 Apple employees, drawn to any electronic hint of their cult leader, are. I'm left wishing Dan Lyons had been the one to pull this stunt. The original Fake Steve Jobs would have made this Facebook page so convincing I would have believed it. And gladly.

Pundits like to blab that Apple should buy Sony. With quarterly profits down 72 percent, SNE's market value is now a stupefyingly low 58 percent of its book value. Steve must be tempted. Buy Sony. Shut it down.Remember the original Walkman? The first Vaio? These days, Sony products don't threaten Steve Jobs. They irritate him. Even Sony knows their stuff's not cool. Look at the photos on their home page: James Bond. Pink. "Try to solve the mystery of the Passengers ... Save the world from bad music." No product shots except a thumbnail-size Playstation HD shoved in the lower right corner. I'm sure the focus group loved it. But to a gearhead like me it screams, "I'm Sony. Please kill me."

Everyone is basically in agreement that the advertising market next year is going to suck—even your precious internet ads! So I guess it's appropriate that Microsoft's $300 million ad campaign, which started out with such an ineffective burst of star power, has now been reduced to using videos submitted by you, the idiot consumers. This is all part of a grand strategy by a brilliant ad agency and not at all a harbinger of Microsoft getting its ass handed to it on a national stage, okay?

Did you know Netscape cofounder Marc Andreessen has joined eBay's board? Why yes, it's true — and it happened last month. VentureBeat editor Eric Eldon had gotten a belated tip about the hire, and published the story without checking the date. "I made a stupid mistake," he tells me. (He was more oblique in Twitter.) Eldon rapidly took the story down, but not before it was syndicated to The Industry Standard, where it caught the eye of Nicholas Carlson, my former charge at Valleywag who has landed at Silicon Alley Insider.See the hypercompetitive pattern? Hacks have always hustled to scoop rival papers. But tech blogs are being driven to distraction by the notion that they've been beaten by a story. In the rush to publish, they're not even stopping to check their own archives. Checking actual facts is far more cumbersome. Jordan Golson, another former Valleywagger who now blogs at the Industry Standard, made a stink about a report on TheHill.com about iPhones coming to Congress. TheHill.com's overly sensational headline topped a report that merely stated that Congress's administrative arm was testing some iPhones. Golson called the flack quoted in TheHill.com's story, who backpedaled from his earlier statement that "lots" of Congressmen had requested iPhones. Tom Krazit of CNET News, one of the guilty parties cited by Golson for reblogging TheHill.com, got to the bottom of things: Congressional IT administrators were testing a total of 10 iPhones, and all of two Congressmen had asked about getting iPhones instead of the standard-issue BlackBerry. This messy process shows the blogosphere at its best and its worst. Through a series of iterations, the horde of bloggers arrived at the right result. In the meantime, however, a lot of people got the wrongheaded notion that Congress is switching to the iPhone any day now. (I'd note that TheHill.com has yet to retract its initial report; it would not be the first time a flack has said something, regretted it, and then claimed he was misquoted.) There will always be a factchecking squad on the Internet. But I think the reblogging craze will fade over time, as the Web's writers learn the deep satisfaction of telling one's own story for the first time — not repeating someone else's for the nth.

Google crossdresser-in-chief Sergey Brin got his company, after contentious internal debate, to express opposition to Proposition 8, a California ballot initiative which would ban the same-sex marriages rendered legal earlier this year by the state's Supreme Court. Now Apple, too, has expressed its corporate views, donating $100,000 to the No on Prop 8 campaign. Who hasn't weighed in? Yahoo.We hear that CEO Jerry Yang wrote a long, rambling, presumably uncapitalized email to the troops explaining why the company, which is otherwise outspoken on gay rights, is not taking sides on the issue. Gay employees at Yahoo are purple with rage. Will someone forward us the memo? We'd love to read Yang's explanation of why, once again, he can't make a decision one way or another. (Disclosure: I got married to my husband last month, and recently held a fundraiser in opposition to Proposition 8.)

An unnamed 18-year-old is being investigated by the SEC for allegedly posting a rumor about a Steve Jobs heart attack three weeks ago. "The agency hasn't unearthed any trading records that show he benefited from the drop," says the latest Bloomberg update. Citizen journalism experts plan to hold a conference to discuss what an awesome victory this is for Twitter. You think I'm kidding. You're wrong.

“We don’t know how to build a sub-$500 computer that is not a piece of junk.” So said Steve Jobs, during his surprise appearance on yesterday's earnings call. Remember January 2003? Analysts forecast nothing but price cuts because of the economy. CNET leaked a rumor about a slim, portable multimedia device. Jobs unveils instead: A $3,299 laptop with the biggest screen ever. Now, Jobs says Apple doesn't know how to build a sub-$500 computer that isn't junk. Haha! Of course he knows how. Which is about to crack: The $499 price point, or the piece-of-junk legacy hardware in the current Mac Mini? I vote both. (Photo by mark_b)

We already took our shot at what was behind Samsung's so-crazy-it-makes-sense attempt to acquire SanDisk. Samsung, we said, has supplied the memory chips for Apple's iPhone since its launch last year. That's why Samsung needs to bulk up to contend with the might of Apple, one of the largest buyers of flash memory. Now that Samsung has dropped its $5.8 billion bid, does that mean we were wrong? Well, yes. Big corporations act like teenagers. These crazy kids will eventually make up, or find other partners. Here's the official breakup note from Samsung CEO Yoon Woo Lee: