Archie Andrews, star of a comic you read sometimes and perpetually caught in a love triangle with Betty and Veronica, will die in the issue of Life With Archie hitting stands Wednesday.

Kevin Keller, the popular new gay character in the Archie Comics universe, will soon be returning from war and getting married to a man in an offshoot series that envisions the Riverdale teens later in life. Will anyone object??

Archie Comics is attempting to ban its co-CEO, Nancy Silberkleit, from its headquarters, and stop her from going to Comic-Con this year, over allegations that she "burst into meetings to rant about male private parts." This is what happens when you introduce gays to Riverdale, folks! Everyone starts talking about dicks.

This fan-made trailer of the Archie comics brings to life the seedy underbelly of Riverdale high and unspoken issues in the comics. Jughead is gay?! Reggie's a cokehead?! Veronica is... well, we all knew Veronica was kind of a whore.

Holy Hotdog. Archie Comics — one of culture's most enduring portraits of wholesome Americana — is introducing a gay. A gay male Archie character. His name is Kevin Keller and he is blonde.

[That's Drew Barrymore in New York with Justin Long, who is dressed like a character in an 80s-era Stan Goldberg-drawn Archie comic; image via INF]