Archie Andrews, star of a comic you read sometimes and perpetually caught in a love triangle with Betty and Veronica, will die in the issue of Life With Archie hitting stands Wednesday.

Kevin Keller, the popular new gay character in the Archie Comics universe, will soon be returning from war and getting married to a man in an offshoot series that envisions the Riverdale teens later in life. Will anyone object??

When Archie Comics, beloved manufacturers of American easiness, first introduced Kevin Keller, their first openly gay character, he was only supposed to be there for a short time. But now he's been called up to the big leagues!

Archie Comics is attempting to ban its co-CEO, Nancy Silberkleit, from its headquarters, and stop her from going to Comic-Con this year, over allegations that she "burst into meetings to rant about male private parts." This is what happens when you introduce gays to Riverdale, folks! Everyone starts talking about dicks.

Holy Hotdog. Archie Comics — one of culture's most enduring portraits of wholesome Americana — is introducing a gay. A gay male Archie character. His name is Kevin Keller and he is blonde.