Scott Brown will be seated immediately upon certification. Al Franken had to wait a week.

As you can see in this confusing and poorly shot amateur video, Gladney was brutally beaten by goons and required immediate medical care (he is the guy who is briefly knocked over 6 seconds into the video and who is then shown up and running around and acting pretty much fine for the remaining 3 minutes). He got a lawyer and went to the hospital. (Maybe even in that order!)

Washington establishment queen Sally Quinn knows what happens to black men in America, because once, some black cops spoke out of turn to her, at a Georgetown block party.

The good people of Fox & Friends (which ones are Fox and which ones are the friends?) are outraged that their vacations might be endangered by four innocent men recently freed from years of wrongful imprisonment!

Bill Kristol's getting a monthly column at the Washington Post. How wrong do you actually have to be to be barred from prominent punditry? This is why newspapers are dying, people! [The Corner]

Your Gmail sponsored link that will make you hate Democrats of the day: "Mama Voted For Obama." It's precisely the idiotic indoctrinating garbage you think it is, except for this awesome scene of cartoon Obama reenacting the My Pet Goat incident as, presumably, the nation burns. Good work, Mama. The terrorists won. [Little Democrats]

Oh hey, that empty threat former Minnesota governor Jesse Ventura issued to run for Senate? Well because of all the goddamn attention he got from the media he's actually going to do it. He's gotta keep having reasons to show up on The Tonight Show! Now Ventura will run against repellent prick Senator Toothy Coleman and less-repellent comedian Al Franken. Because hey, that race was not yet enough of a fucking freak show! [ABC]

We don't know Keith Gessen and haven't read his book (and never will!), and obviously we're biased because Gawker turned us evil and we like Choire (and Emily!) but he has a very important essay (THE MOST IMPORTANT TUMBLR RANT OF OUR TIME) that he tumble logged about how people need to stop being mean to him because THEY ARE WHORES INFECTED BY THE STAIN OF WRITING GOSSIP and HE WRITES ABOUT CANCER, CANCER GODDAMMIT. Also stop calling him a blinkered, privileged asshole because that is EXACTLY WHAT REPUBLICANS DO and also, and we quote: "Everyone went to the same six schools. Everyone has dated everyone." It's funny because it is insanely incorrect! Oh my god we haven't even gotten to the worst part.

Guess what? It's brown-out season! Power outages are expected across the Upper East Side tonight. DisasterReadyNYC—the scariest site on the Internet?—recommends filling your bathtub with water. Ha ha ha that won't protect you from the looters and Cloverfield monsters! NOTHING CAN. An Upper East Side hospital sent the following warning to its staff today, in case you need to hear it from Con Ed themselves:

We tried to explain that Barack Obama's exchanging of respect knuckles with his lovely wife was NO BIGGIE, but in writing about it, all we really did was add to the deluge of maddening idiocy. The most repellent reading comes, of course, from Fox News, who actually ask if perhaps the fist-bump was "a terrorist fist jab." Then they bring on a body-language expert to analyze what is a modified high-five, people. WE WARNED YOU. So let's watch E.D. Hill and her legs explain what that crazy threatening fist thing was!

Slate's family correspondent Emily Bazelon was relieved recently to learn that her 8-year-old son has no hits on Google. Not for lack of trying! She writes about her young son, Eli, occasionally, but obviously she doesn't want her child to be an Internet Persona, Fair Game for bloggers and commenters. But then, she's writing about him in Slate. And her husband's name, which is presumably her son's last name, is readily available on Wikipedia. She's dangerously close to crossing into the territory of the chronic familial oversharers whose crimes against their children she ponders in her essay. Like remember Neal Pollack? "His young son Elijah's bathroom habits are fair game for Pollack's blog, but his son's discovery of his sexuality, Pollack says, is not." Jesus, Neal, you just did it again. Dear internet: blogging about your children is child abuse.

Now it's official: everyone involved in any capacity with the Priya Venkatesan affiar annoys the hell out of us. To recap, Ms. Venkatesan was a Dartmouth lecturer who decided to sue her students for harassment or something because they heckled her. She is clearly a pompous tool. Her students are also probably pompous tools. Now a pompous tool who writes for the Wall Steet Journal editorial page weighs in with an indictment against academia. Joseph Rago attended Dartmouth, you see, though he totally didn't like it very much and didn't even try very hard in his classes. Because of post-modernism. Writing papers for lit classes is just like "filling in Mad Libs," he explains. Writing indictments of academia for the Wall Street Journal editorial page, on the other hand, is more like Pictionary. After the jump: amusing student reviews of Venkatesan's class from an internal Dartmouth page. The kids didn't really like her!

We give up! 'Stuff White People Like' Book Sold to Random House For At Least $350,000. You win, Internet! Great work, Random House! Oh hey, Spy legend and man white people love Kurt Andersen "has taken an active interest in it and will play a role in its development." Thanks, Kurt! The press release says the book will cover "Whole Foods, Wes Anderson, Starbucks, graduate school, kitchen gadgets, Barack Obama, Apple products, the movie Juno, expensive sandwiches, and vintage t-shirts, to name a few." Looks like white people like New York Magazine! (ALSO: Gotham Books is apparently publishing a book based on "Barack Obama is your new bicycle." Maybe some joker should make a whole album of hilarious Rick Astley songs!) [NYO]

It's a MOLESKINE with a UNICORN on it. You can buy it at ETSY. We hope you're proud of yourself, Tim Berners-Lee. [moleskinerie]

In response to the success of TMZ TV—it's the top-rated new syndicated show!—a reader asks:

On "Donnie Darko" director Richard Kelly's latest film, "Southland Tales": "Characters are as apt to quote Marx and the New Testament as they are to recite lyrics by Jane's Addiction, whose song 'Three Days' is prominently featured. The music is as lovingly chosen as the '80s staples in 'Donnie Darko.' In a druggy fantasy sequence Mr. Timberlake's character, a disfigured war veteran, sneering and clutching a can of Budweiser, lip-syncs to the Killers' "All These Things That I've Done.' 'I heard that song and couldn't stop thinking about Iraq,' Mr. Kelly said." [NYT]