Neocons' first move in their renewed offensive against the reality-based community: Get the year of the Iraq invasion wrong.

Washington D.C.'s NFL team, with an All-Pro roster of PR scumbags defending its racist name, is now concern-trolling about Native Americans' "high unemployment, life threatening health problems, inadequate education and many other issues more pressing than the name of a football team."

Public-relations sewer pipe Lanny Davis is having a little moment. Fresh off his urging of mean and vicious NFL owner Daniel Snyder to be less abrasive about his refusal to change his team's racist name, the "crisis manager" has joined the list of people helping Alex Rodriguez in the drug-linked slugger's battle with Major League Baseball.

89-year-old White House correspondent Helen Thomas, when asked about the Middle East last week outside the Jewish Heritage Celebration, said Jews should "Get the hell out of Palestine." Ex-Bush propaganda minister Ari Fleischer wants her fired. She has since apologized.

Riddle me this! What do Greenville, South Carolina, allegations of John McCain's illegitimate African American kid, Christian Coalition leader Ralph Reed, and former Dubya press secretary Ari Fleischer getting a blowjob have in common? No, really: guess. Ready? So awesome:

Sacha Baron Cohen turns 38 today. Ashanti is turning 29. Paul Simon is 68. Kelly Preston is turning 47. Kate Walsh of Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice is 42. Model Beverly Johnson is 57. Ivan Bart, the head of IMG Models, is turning 46. Billionaire Tom Tisch turns 55. Mega art dealer William Acquavella is 72. Sammy Hagar of Van Halen is 62. Access Hollywood's Billy Bush is turning 38. George Bush's former spokesman, Ari Fleischer, is 49. Marie Osmond is 50. Retired NFL star Jerry Rice is 47. Serena Altschul, the former MTV VJ and CBS News correspondent, is 39. Margaret Thatcher is 84. And Donald Trump's least famous child, Tiffany Trump, celebrates her 16th birthday today.

Hello, I've just returned from a panel of some of our favorite dynamic media personalities: Daily Beastie Tina Brown! Bush roboflack Ari Fleischer! And the (charmingly?) doddering Peggy Noonan! Come explore the fun!

Yesterday we asserted that former Bush roboflackMale Ari Fleischer was America's most irrelevant talking head. Today, however, we learned that former Bush roboflackFemale Dana Perino is joining forces with Microtrend maker-upper Mark Penn. Revision:

Is there any more irrelevant talking head in America than Ari Fleischer, Bush's former roboflack? His only skill was obfuscating on behalf of important people. Now he doesn't work for anyone important. Except himself!

Oh man. Who even knows why this happened, but Chris Matthews and former Bush press secretary Ari Fleischer had a hilarious bitchy fight a few minutes ago.

Tiffany Trump, the Donald's fourth child and the only member of the immediate family who shares his hair color, turns 15 today. Also celebrating: Sacha Baron Cohen is 37. Ashanti is 28. Paul Simon turns 67. Kelly Preston is 46. Van Halen's Sammy Hagar turns 61. George Bush's cousin, Access Hollywood's Billy Bush, is 37. George Bush's former spokesman, Ari Fleischer, is 48. Modeling legend Beverly Johnson is turning 56. Modeling honcho Ivan Bart is 45. Art dealer William Acquavella is 71. And billionaire heir Thomas Tisch is 54.