Just when you and the rest of our tired nation thought the greatest artisanal threats to America would come from garlic aioli, accent-wall paneling, and hand-cobbled baby booties made of sun-cured lamb jerky, a far graver specter is rising is rising in Europe: bean-to-bar bombmaking, brought to you by the humble craftsmen of the Islamic State.

Do you have a Y-chromosome and also a keenly refined rustic aesthetic? Are you eager to go camping but hesitant to put yourself in a position where you could ever be out-of-doors? Do you have $40 to blow on a hand-stitched "masculine, yet understated" leather keychain?

• Macao Trading Company is "silly" but "fun," says Frank Bruni, who translates that combo into a one-star review in the New York Times today. [NYT]
• A roundup of restaurants that have closed their doors in recent days. [Eater]
• Terrance Brennan of Picholine and Artisanal fame is planning to take over Trigo in Tribeca and turn it into Bar Artisinal. [GS, NYT]
• Ignazio's may give Grimaldi's a run for its money in Dumbo. [TONY]
• Ryan Sutton is not a fan of Giorgio Armani's restaurant inside his new store: "I doubt he's paid much attention at all to New York's culinary scene; otherwise he wouldn't have created such a laughably behind-the-times joint." [BN]
• Meet John and Kevin McCormick, the guys responsible for the peeling paint and rusting fixtures that typically accompany $34 entrees these days. [NYO]

• The Mets put on a "showcase" today of the "award-winning roster of dining options" available at Citi Field, one which "scintillated the senses" and "is sure to be one of the biggest hits of the year." Had enough yet? [Mets]
• Rumor has it that David Graziano and David Cabo, two of the dudes behind Pink Elephant and Bagatelle, are taking over the old R&L/Florent space. [GS]
• What's the appropriate tip on a drink, $1 or 20? Frank Bruni explains. [NYT]
• If you walk by Monkey Bar tonight, you may find it open for business. [Eater]
• Terrance Brennan's Artisanal is hosting a grilled cheese contest. [TFB]
• A roundup of some Easter and Passover dining options. [Zagat]
• '21' is extending its Restaurant Week prix fixe through Labor Day. [Eater]
• What does every product claim it contains antioxidants these days? Because gullible people buy them based solely on the label, of course. [Atlantic]
• A Brooklyn fast food joint has renamed itself "Obama Fried Chicken." [TSG]

• Union Prime and Onda both open today. [NYT]
• Terrance Brennan's Artisanal just added a grilled-cheese bar. Oy. [GS]
• Black Iron Burger Shop is the latest victim of the dining crime spree. [Eater]
• Bad news, coffee addicts: prices are expected to shoot up this year. [NYDN]
• Kelly Choi has signed on to host the new Top Chef spinoff. [TONY]
• A few suggestions on where to eat and drink on inauguration night. [RG]
• Were you lucky enough to earn an invite to the inaugural dinner? Enjoy the duck, pheasant, seafood stew, and apple-cinnamon sponge cake! [TFB]