Today on Essentially Emily, Emily Brill asserts that Nick Denton is not the only reason why people bother to read Essentially Emily. No, they care about the pseudo socialite who is "friends" with Kristian Laliberte because of her dad, former media tycoon and current airport security specialist Steve Brill, and not because Gawker occasionally highlights her wit and wisdom. Emily claims, "Nick's greatest fantasy, indeed, would have been a public feud with Steven Brill over his humiliated daughter." I've been to Nick's apartment, and his fantasies have nothing to do with Steve Brill.

Here's a heartwarming adage from my grandmother: "You can never be too rich or too thin." (Can't wait to see you this weekend, Safta! Yes, I'm laying off the matzo.) Emily Brill has always been rich, but hasn't always been thin. In fact, she was once chubby in a spoiled 10 year-old kind of way, which makes sense because she is the daughter of media millionaire Steve Brill, so she probably got to eat allll the candy she wanted to. But now Emily is thin. And on her blog, she announced that she'll do whatever it takes to stay that way.

A wacko doctor at the Mayo Clinic Hospital in Phoenix couldn't stop himself from photographing a patient's penis—because it was tattooed with the words "Hot Rod"! Says the patient of his artwork: "It was the most horrible thing I ever went though in my life." Okay, then we'll check back when pictures of your hot lil' rod end up all over the internet.

Fark overlord Drew Curtis's book pulls an extremely tardy rave from Slate's Jack Shafer. (It came out at the end of May.) "This column is not a pathetic attempt to get my story posted on Fark.com and reap the thousands of hits that naturally follow," promises Shafer. [Slate]

Who is to blame for the lad mag message that women are there to gratify men's sexual urges? "This current generation of young women who believe they will find any sort of satisfaction, emotional or sexual, through allowing themselves to become the sex objects of young men's fantasies are fueling a sorry state of affairs. They want to be taken seriously, but, by behaving like this, no one can blame the young men who treat them like sex objects and little else." [Daily Mail U.K.]

There's a lot to unpack in Midtown East. A bunch of neighborhoods rolled into one, the area stretches from Gramercy Park in the south to the Upper East Side, from 5th Avenue to the East River. It contains the sadness of Murray Hill (AKA Murray Hell) as well as the triumph of Tudor City. If there is a vast media conspiracy, this is its home turf. We sent Joshua "Virgil" Stein and Richard "Doré" Blakeley to show you the way in this, the last installment of Gawker's User's Guides.