1) Secretary of State Hillary Clinton secures an agreement from Russia to buy $3.7 billion worth of Boeing aircraft. Boeing 2) donates $900,000 to the William J. Clinton Foundation, and Boeing's top lobbyist 3) holds a fundraiser for Hillary's presidential super PAC. What a country!

It's not what you know or who you know — it's how you ask. (Well, that and how much blackmail fodder you've collected.) All favor-asking letters are really the same, so to take the guesswork out, here's the Valleywag template for begging anyone to do anything. Keep in mind these three crucial elements: feigned personal connection, direct request, and strong hit at reciprocal favors.