Yesterday marked Lindsay Lohan's first day on the set of Labor Pains, her first paying film role since the abominable "stripper with dueling personas" fiasco that was I Know Who Killed Me. And while we can’t imagine that the prospect of actually working (not to mention faking on-screen love with male co-stars) was leaving Lohan with anything other than a frowny face, somebody on the set had a really good idea as to how to motivate her. As these pictures show, it took only three things to cheer the seemingly sober-these-days star up to levels not previously seen since the Mean Girls days — too bad each of the vices things in question (including the delivery woman) aren’t exactly good for her health.

So the ombudsman at the Chicago Tribune, in his role as Mr. Serious And Humorless, told gnomish, cussing old man/ billionaire Tribune owner Sam Zell that Zell's "profanity-laced remarks"—that would be "fuck you"— were causing some concern among staffers. Particularly the chicks! So Zell was like, I'll tell you what, ombudsman Timothy J. McNulty: Fuck you too, pansy! Get back to work! We're paraphrasing, of course. But that's the message!