Everyone thinks sex is so cool. Well I have news for you, sluts: Your risk of heart failure is more than doubled during occasional sex. Sex doesn't seem so "sexy" now, does it?

Four Americans—Scott and Jean Adam, who were delivering Bibles around the world, and two friends, Phylis Macay and Bob Riggle (pictured)—were hijacked by Somali pirates last Friday while sailing in a yacht off the coast of Oman. Now, they're all dead. According to CBS News, a US Navy ship that was tracking the yacht heard gunshots, and proceeded to "seize" the vessel.

A reporter and a cameraperson from a California FOX affiliate were attacked and beaten when they tried to question a group of people who had gathered in a Sacramento IHOP parking lot to mourn the shooting death of a 27 year-old man in the same parking lot yesterday. The whole thing was caught on tape! Watching it is a good way to make yourself feel dirty without being able to quite put your finger on why. [Fox40]

This is not surprising, and yet: The House has passed an amendment to the continuing budget resolution it's finalizing that would block all federal aid to Planned Parenthood. Even though providing abortions is a small part of what Planned Parenthood does—and is isolated from federal funds within the organization's structure, by law—the amendment passed 240-185. So does this mean abortion is over forever?

Kool Herc, the Bronx DJ who invented the break beat and thereby became the Thomas Jefferson of hip hop, spawned a musical genre that has made countless people millionaires. Not Herc, though; he's reportedly sick and broke.

Oral sex is totally awesome, which means it must be bad for you in some way. And now we know how! Apparently, a rise in certain kinds of cancer may be thanks to all the oral sex everyone has nowadays.

"Since 2008, nearly 200 religious facilities have been foreclosed on by banks, up from eight during the previous two years and virtually none in the decade before that." We'll tastefully omit the gloating and obvious theological jokes. [WSJ. Photo via]

On Friday, South Korean commandos raided a hijacked ship in the Arabian Sea, and killed eight Somali pirates in the process. South Korea released the video today, and Somali pirates promised to kill any Koreans they capture from now on.

Only five more years until unemployment is back to normal!

Yet again! His Outlaw show was canceled last night, making it the third failure of this most lackluster TV season. Seriously, are there any good new shows this year? No! And poor Jimmy Smits. Can't catch a break, that one.

Happy first day of school! What do we have to complain about? All types of things! The schedule is stupid. The prices of school supplies are out of control. The bus is late. And hey, stop shooting us!

The Way We Live Now: getting out. Packing it up. Packing it in. Rolling it up. Leaving the market. Leaving the schools. Leaving the food behind. Leaving Las Vegas. Fuck it.

The Way We Live Now: stoically ignoring that which is impossible to ignore. Homeless people are everywhere, for chrissake. Investors worldwide are dumping stocks. Wages are down everywhere. A bad storm's a-coming. Cover up or get blown down.

A new survey of kids who got bachelor's degrees in journalism last year reveals that their average salary has stayed the same for the past three years: $0. Ha, no, it's $30k. For the 56% able to find jobs. [UGA]

Remember back when the economy really sucked? Surprise! It still does.

Oil is seeping from the sea bed near the Deepwater Horizon well, and the choke valve may need to be reopened.

Oprah is giving up her syndicated show to move to cable. And it may be just in time! Her ratings for the last week of June hit an all-time low, dipping below 3.0 for the first time in 24 years.

The Way We Live Now: puttering out. Winding down. Losing steam. The wind is leaving our sails, economically. We can't buy. We can't sell. We can't help you, you can't help us. Let's call the whole thing off.

Today in science you can use: According to a UCLA study the use of lubricants in anal sex can increase the risk of STIs, possibly because they kill protective cells on the rectum. KY and Astroglide were the worst. [LAT]

All those problems in Greece are real, apparently: the Dow Jones fell nearly 1,000 points this afternoon before rebounding somewhat. Currently it's down nearly 450 points on the day. Hey, let's not do this again, okay?